


heaven lost an angel (when I signed up)

by littlemilkymilkovich



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Biblical Refferences, Bokuaka mention, Breakup, Drug Addiction, Emotional Manipulation, Explicit Language, F/M, Female Reader, Fist Fights, God Complex, Inconsistent chapter lengths, M/M, Matsuhana Mention, Mildly Dubious Consent, Oikawa has a god complex, Oikawa/Female Reader, One Sided Enemies to Lovers, Reader is very problematic, Recreational Drug Use, Slight Iwaizumi/Reader - Freeform, Slight Terushima/Reader, Slight Yandere Oikawa, Slow Burn, Tendou is a drug dealer, Tendou is reader’s best friend, Toxic Relationship, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:54:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 22,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27782560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemilkymilkovich/pseuds/littlemilkymilkovich
Summary: Three years you shared together of pain and doubt. Three years, and you didn’t want to worship him any longer. Three years, and you were ready to move on.But he won’t let you.And truthfully, as much of a manipulative scumbag your ex Tooru Oikawa could be, you don’t want him to.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Reader, Oikawa Tooru/Reader, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 16
Kudos: 30





	1. prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning.

Regret was a peculiar thing. 

Whilst yes, it was horrid and vile, the thought of your own poor decisions having the ability to spiral into consequences so much worse being too much for you to bare at times; occasionally, it sort of felt as if it were non-existent. You often found yourself pondering on whether or not you actually regretted anything at all.

Your three year long, on and off relationship with Tooru Oikawa being a main prompt for this. 

Could you really say that you regretted it? All of the years you spent less in sated contentment and more in emotional torture? After all, you’re a stronger person now. Putting up with him of all people has made you feel as if you could deal with anyone.

Or perhaps was it that you regretted breaking things off with him for good in the first place?

It was a Monday afternoon when you began stretching your limbs after a two hour long cat-nap. You had only intended to fall asleep for around thirty minutes at most, but it appeared that your brain was more fed up with your rambling thoughts than what you had initially perceived.

It was a regular Monday afternoon - nothing that should be of any significance. Well, aside from the copious amount of studying you needed to do.

Except to you, it was anything but regular. 

Mondays were his day off, back when he used to play for his high school volleyball team, Aoba Johsai. 

Coincidentally, Mondays were usually your day off, too. 

You knew that you’d never be able to forget the joys of having the six foot tall, former setter come and pick you up after a long and tiring day of school. You missed hanging around with him until the sun went down, the two of you both oblivious in your youth at the extent in which your romance would eventually take you. 

It didn’t matter where you went - as long as you were with him you were happy.

And now, twelve Mondays since you departed ways for the final time, you felt anything but happy.

You hadn’t seen him, heard from him or even heard his name in what felt like years (your friends feeling as if you were too fragile for them to bring him up, avoiding mentioning the name ‘Oikawa’ like the plague). Part of you regretted that night when you, in all of your drunken rage, had had enough of his constant phone calls and texts begging for forgiveness - blocking his number and even going to the extent of deleting it along with all of his other social medias entirely.

The other part of you was relieved that your liquid courage allowed you to do something you knew you should’ve done years ago.

Your friends were relieved too. After all of their encouragement, advice and borderline threats of them doing it for you instead, they were nothing if not proud. 

Because whilst to everyone else, Oikawa was this handsome prince charming who only wanted the best for his princess- to you, he was corrupted and power hungry, taking too much from someone who could only give too little.

A manipulative, toxic scumbag who was fully aware of the power he held, and used it to his advantage.

You decided that you did regret your relationship with him after all, and that ending things with him was one of the best decisions you could’ve ever made.

Yet why did it hurt so badly?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you’re all ready for the ride ;)


	2. chapter one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The encounter.

Bliss. _ For the first time in months, you finally felt well and truly sated.  _

_ A simple distraction, yes, but it was a simple distraction that you would gladly accept.  _

_ But you couldn’t indulge yourself any longer, for the sound of your boyfriend’s furious yells pulled you from your perfect fantasy of escape. And in what felt like an instant, his grip tightened in the back of your dress as he hauled you away. _

_ Hajime Iwaizumi, the distraction in subject stood watching in stunned silence, a look of nothing but pure guilt stricken across his face. _

Tuesday morning - the twelfth Tuesday after the breakup. You cringed as you felt the dampness of your tears from the previous night staining your pillow.

Speaking of last night, it felt as if you were hit with a sudden wave of despair. You were trying - trying so very hard not to think about it - not to let your mind wander back to that God-forsaken day; to the fact that he was no longer here with you. And yet, once again, you utterly and miserably failed.

It was stupid, you decided. It felt as if you spent every waking moment dissecting the event, trying to figure out both yours and his true intentions and how on earth what was meant to be the perfect relationship could’ve crumbled as tragically as yours did. Surely there weren’t any pieces of the complicated puzzle that was your relationship left that you didn’t know about, but alas your brain couldn’t help but torture itself. No matter how hard you tried, you just couldn’t stop thinking about it- about him.

Quite the masochistic you were, even unintentionally.

Except you didn’t want to spend every single day wallowing in self-pity. You didn’t want to spend everyday sobbing over him. 

You wanted to move on.

Maybe today wouldn’t be the day that that would actually happen, at least you highly doubted that it would be, but you decided that you deserved to treat yourself.

There was this cosy western-style café you frequented often, only a five-minute walk from your apartment. You weren’t necessarily a caffeine addict per se, but you had a sweet enough tooth to the point where you were constantly craving the caramel ice coffee they served there. The treats they had up for sale weren’t half bad too. And overall, the café just had a pleasant sort of atmosphere to it that you found great peace in. No wonder you were so drawn to it when you first moved to Miyagi.

You sat in your usual spot, your usual flirtatious waiter seizing the opportunity to ask you out for what felt like the millionth time.

‘’M sorry Terushima-Kun, I just don’t feel like dating anyone at the moment’, you declined once again, as politely as you possibly could.

You had seen Yuuji Terushima around campus a few times, typically getting rejected by some girl, or on a good day, with a poor one linked around his arm. After all, he was difficult to miss. His vibrant bleach blonde hair, piercings and playboy persona very often drawing him attention.

He reminded you of Oikawa, you sometimes mused, albeit slightly less successful in his attempts with the opposite sex and with a much more laid back outlook on life, giving you all the more reason to continue turning him down.

But as your waiter, you didn’t mind him too much - as annoying as his persistence with you could be.

He brought over your coffee and finally left you to your own devices, and you sat cheerily sipping it through its straw whilst scrolling through your social media feeds on your phone, its cute bunny-shaped case planted comfortably in your hands.

However, you weren’t on your own for too long.

The café’s door opened, its familiar yet subtle bell chime causing you to glance in its direction out of habit.

In a suddenly surprised state, you watched as his eyes glanced around the small space of the café, presumably looking for an empty table until his eyes landed directly on you.

You had to double-take.

Hajime Iwaizumi wasn’t the tallest guy in the world, but what he lacked in height he made up for in muscle. Anyone could see that he was attractive.

But what was most noted about him was the fact that he was Oikawa’s life-long best friend. The two had been inseparable from childhood. They grew up together, both sharing the same passion for volleyball and while their friendship dynamic could be somewhat untraditional at times (like that one time you witnessed Iwaizumi quite literally throw your ex across the room), they truly were two peas in a pod.

You liked Iwaizumi. He was kind, sincere and always made sure that you were doing okay. Although you weren’t quite on the same level of closeness he shared with Oikawa, he was still a dear friend of yours. So it was a shame that you lost contact, or for want of a more accurate account had stopped talking to him entirely after yours and Oikawa’s breakup. 

‘Y/N-san is that you?’ you heard him question before beginning to approach your table. You let out a chuckle.

‘Long time no see’, you laughed.

Despite your newfound hatred towards your ex, you didn’t let your emotions cause you to hate his best friend too. After all, not only was that extremely unfair on him, but Iwaizumi was such a genuine guy that you found yourself beaming at simply being in his company again. 

Unlike Oikawa, Iwaizumi was incredibly easy to read, so you could almost immediately tell that something was bothering him.

After the standard ‘how have you been?’ and other polite pleasantries, you watched as he sighed and finally decided to speak what was on his mind. ‘Listen Y/N-san’, he began almost hesitantly, ‘I can’t help but feel responsible for the way you and Oikawa ended. I know you must’ve been in a bad place because of it and I feel so guilty that I haven’t been checking up on you to see how you’ve been doing. I’m so so sorry’.

Iwaizumi was definitely only a small fraction of the reasoning as to why you and his best friend broke up. You were concerned at the fact that he seemed to be blaming himself so much.

But more importantly, you were shocked. This was the first time anybody you’ve regularly spoken to had brought Oikawa up in months - all of them tip-toeing around the topic as if even a slip of the tongue about the situation would cause you to crumble completely. So for him to just outright mention his name only a few minutes into the conversation as if it didn’t actually matter at all, you were surprisingly shocked as to how refreshing it felt. It was like you could finally acknowledge that the event you went through did indeed happen and wasn’t a simple figment of your imagination after months of what felt like your brain being driven into insanity. It felt good to be treated like an actual human being again rather than some kind of antique porcelain doll ready to shatter at any given moment.

‘Please don’t apologise Hajime. You’re far from responsible’, you stated sincerely.

‘I-it’s just that...well you know how Oikawa gets sometimes. I just wish that I would’ve been able to snap him out of it-‘

‘Stop. He’s the only one to blame here. You’re not his caretaker and you shouldn’t have to feel responsible over his shitty actions’. You were saddened by the state he was potentially working himself into, and you could tell that he didn’t quite believe your words of reassurance, as truthful as they may be. ‘Besides. I’m doing fine now anyway’.

As easy as Hajime was to read, he wasn’t as oblivious to reading others as what you had originally thought. You could tell that he saw straight through your lie, but chose not to comment on it. He could most definitely tell that you were coping worse than what you made out to be but certainly didn’t want to be the one to point that out to you. Despite all of this, he did seem to be slightly on edge for some odd reason; whether it be the guilt he felt or simply just being in your presence again for the first time in months, you couldn’t quite decipher.

He glanced down at his watch, perhaps as a way to defuse the slight awkwardness that had settled in the air, and visibly cringed.

‘Ah shit, I should probably get my coffee and leave before I’m late’, he sighed.

‘Well it was really good seeing you!’ you beamed back as he hauled his backpack over his shoulder.

Before he turned to walk away, he stopped to speak. ‘I don’t know if you kept my number or not, but please don’t hesitate to contact me if you need help with anything, or even if you just need someone to rant to. It’s the least I owe you’.

You smiled and promised that you would as you watched him walk to the counter and place his order, clearly opting for the takeaway service the café offered since he was in so much of a rush. He threw a small wave in your direction as he exited the café, coffee in hand, and you were internally so thankful to him for all of what he’s done for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading !! and a huge thank you to my beta mackenzie ily lots <33
> 
> chapters will be posted every sunday !! i hope you stick around and enjoy what’s in store ;)


	3. chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The best friend.

His laugh was truly infectious.

It was more of a cackle - you supposed. A loud, hysterical sound that you had flinched at quite a fair few times. But nonetheless, it still somehow managed to fill you with both reassurance and joy.

You often wondered how some people could view this man as terrifying. To you, he was nothing more than a great friend and someone who you always wanted to be around.

It was windy up here, in the familiar spot that the two of you were currently situated in. You weren’t fond of the cold, but forcing yourself to be outside felt like a worthy sacrifice.

The occasional harsh breeze caused you to cough on the smoke that was accidentally being blown directly back into your face, as if it had some kind of personal hatred against you. He erupted into laughter again.

‘Are you sure you don’t want any Y/N?’ Tendou cackled, holding out his blunt to you in a friendly yet humorous offering. ‘You’re practically high already’.

Shoving him playfully, he snickered at your reaction. ‘Shut up!’ you giggled, ‘You know I don’t do that shit anymore’.

‘Suit yourself’, he smirked coolly, drawing the blunt back up to his lips again.

The two of you had been coming up here for years, stumbling across the abandoned building by a chance encounter. It wasn’t tall enough to the point where it’d make you feel dizzy when you dared to look down, but it did manage to offer a fairly decent view of Miyagi that was pleasant enough for the two of you to declare it as your regular hangout spot. Especially right now, as the sight of the sun peaking behind the clouds and the cute little houses below you provided you with a lazy sense of ease which you couldn’t help but bask in. 

Besides, it was a fairly secluded space to the point where you could get high and talk about anything you wanted without the lingering shame of those around you’s judgement.

Tendou was undoubtedly your best friend. He wasn’t the first friend you made after you first moved to Japan, but he was certainly the first whom you felt an instant connection with. 

It was a strange friendship, but it was a strange friendship that worked. You were the ying to each other’s yang; the demon to each other’s angel. You clicked.

Many people were intimidated by him (he was nicknamed the ‘Guess Monster’ during his volleyball days after all), but in all honesty he was such a sweetheart with a great sense of humour and a fairly care-free attitude to go along with it. While he lacked conventional normality, you couldn’t help but feel drawn to him. He was exactly who you needed most by your side.

The two of you were inseparable, hence why you told each other everything.

‘You remember Iwaizumi-san, right?’ you asked him.

‘Seijoh’s ace? Man he was so easy to piss off when we played against them. Could barley ever get a good hit in’, Tendou boasted shamefully.

You rolled your eyes and shoved him once again, a small amused smile planted on your face at his typical antics. ‘Well I bumped into him again recently. I was at the café yesterday and he came in for a coffee’.

Tendou paused to look at you, wondering why you decided to bring this up and where you were going with this story.

You hadn’t mentioned the former ace’s name since the break up. He and Tendou barley even spoke in the first place, so it barley came as any surprise when you noticed the almost baffled look on your best friend’s face.

Sighing, you figured it would be easier to the cut to the chase and reveal the relevance your encounter with the man had. ‘He apologised, y’know, for what happened between me and Tooru. He looked really guilty’.

Much to your expectation, Tendou scoffed. 

‘Oh come on Satori! I could tell that he felt really bad! He told me to call him if I needed any help with getting over Tooru! Unlike you who won’t even bring him up!’ you exclaimed, ‘I’m not made of glass you know’.

Sometimes, it felt as if Tendou was overly doting with you. And you knew that this was something he was aware of, and that it was something he made no effort to stop.

He exhaled the smoke in frustration. ‘We’ve been over this Y/N. It’s not that I think you’re too fragile to handle it, but Oikawa’s a scumbag who doesn’t even deserve to be talked about’, he explained. ‘Literally. There’s nothing extraordinary about him anymore, especially since he quit volleyball. You deserve better than to be hung up on such a shitty guy like him’.

‘But what about closure?!’ Of course, you appreciated your best friend’s concerns, but you couldn’t help but feel annoyed at the way he often decided what was best for you. As if whatever opinion you had on your own personal matters were useless and irrelevant. ‘The way we ended was just so sudden! You surely can’t expect me to move on without at least talking about it!’

After briefly studying your expression and concluding that you were deadly serious about this, he shuffled closer to you, understanding that there was nothing he could say or do at this current moment that could change your mind on the matter. 

Tendou only wanted what was best for you, but it was too bad that you disagreed on what that was.

You always were stubborn in your beliefs, but whatever. That slightly toxic aspect of your personality only proved just how strong-minded you

‘You’re right. I don’t want to baby you, but I also don’t want to hear about how badly that piece of shit treated you again’, Tendou sighed in defeat. ‘If Iwaizumi-san is so persistent in helping you, I’m not gonna stop you from getting help from him. But promise me you’ll be careful’.

His tone was authoritative, his intense care for you seeping into his words as he practically demanded your safety. He had no reason to worry, though. You had won the little argument anyway, and it’s not like you couldn’t handle yourself, especially around someone as harmless and caring as Iwaizumi.

You chuckled lightly, defusing the situation. ‘Aw, you’re such a great mother Satori’.

‘Mmhmm, yep. Bed time’s at 9 though, you have school tomorrow’, he joked, causing you to burst out into another fit of giggles.

The tension between the two of you could never last very long. You knew that your Satori always had your very best interests at heart, and you were truly grateful, even if sometimes it seemed as if he made your decisions for you. And yet ultimately, you didn’t know what you’d do without him.

It was getting cold from where you were sitting, being closer to the sky evidently meaning that the air up here contained a frostier sort of chill that you most definitely did not enjoy. And Satori had finished the last of his blunt anyway. You both agreed that this would probably be the best time for the two of you to head home. 

The coming of winter undoubtedly caused the sun’s decent to not be prolonged for much longer, and it was beginning to get rather dark out, so it was the obvious case where Tenodu walked you back to your apartment. 

The two of you stood in a comfortable silence, arms linked, choosing to walk through the local shopping district as it was the longest route and meant that you could spend slightly more time in each other’s company. 

As your eyes wandered around the oh so familiar sights, with you vaguely listening to Tendou begin to ramble about how he had to go and get some more weed from his suppliers, they landed on the cute little flower shop ran by a cute grandmother and her grandchildren that was closing up for the night. You smiled politely at the woman in question as a greeting and briefly glanced at the displays when you noticed something in particular.

Pink roses.

_ You were nervous- that much was for certain. Months of Oikawa, the volleyball team captain and starting setter of one of the top highschool team’s in the Miyagi prefecture pursuing you had you finally agreeing to let him take you out on an official date. _

_ You felt your nerves tickle in your stomach, a result of the typical butterfly’s that would form there whenever you felt like this. You had made an extra effort with your appearance, and even went to the extent of practicing your smiles in the mirror just for this occasion. This definitely wasn’t the first date you had ever been on, but it seemed to be the first that you actually had a true caring for. The last thing you wanted to do was embarrass yourself, but more importantly you didn’t want the one thing you had secretly been pining over for months to turn out to be an utter waste of your time. _

_ But the nerves somehow seemed to evaporate entirely when you opened your door to reveal a rather dashing Tooru Oikawa, a huge bouquet of pink roses in his hands. _

_ ‘I saw you eyeing these up at that flower shop downtown. I hope you adore them just as much as I adore you’, he winked. _

_ Oikawa had been described by other volleyball players - even his own teammates, to have a ‘disgusting personality’, but to you he was nothing short of dazzling and radiant. Even while maintaining his usual over-the-top flirtatious nature, he always managed to create a welcoming kind of environment around him that you felt well and truly comfortable in. And it came as no surprise that he was able to instantly make you forget about your previous worries. _

_ You took the roses he offered, heart feeling so warm and satisfied at the fact that he noticed something as unimportant as the flowers you wished to be in your possession, and then made the effort to get them for you. You took his hand and gladly returned his dazzling smile as you went on what was to be your first date with him of many. _

_ Around him, you were invincible. _

‘Helloo? Earth to Y/N?’ Tendou snapped you out of your fantasy. You hadn’t realised you had completely zoned out in the middle of the street, causing some concerned glances from onlookers passing by.

Tendou was always good at that - stopping your mind from wandering back to places you really didn’t want it to wander to. 

‘Jesus christ, you’re more addicted to him than I am to my weed’, he joked, instantaneously picking up on the subject of your daydream. 

It was far more extreme than an addiction, you mused.

...

You arrived back at your apartment, parting ways with your best friend and clocking in for the night.

With a yawn, you pulled your t-shirt over your head, stripped off the denim from your legs and felt with your arm the temperature of the water.

You were exhausted, so in all honesty you would’ve hopped in the shower regardless of how hot or cold it was with the intention of heading to bed as soon as possible, but much to your convenience the water was at the perfect heat.

You scrubbed your shampoo into your hair and scalp, enjoying the light floral scent it offered and allowing your mind to free itself of thoughts completely, only concentrating on the simple task at hand. You sighed in contentment as you felt the falling water massage your shoulders, causing you to sink into a further state of relaxation. After rinsing the soap out, conditioning and cleansing your body with its usual soap, then rinsing again, you stepped out of the shower. You turned the water off, headed to the sink where you did your nightly skincare routine and brushed your teeth before making your way to your bedroom.

A comforting routine - one that you found great solace in. Back during your relationship, when anything with an ounce of unpredictability came as a great thrill, you never desired the need for something so simple. Yet after the first month of grief you spent when everything fell apart, you were glad to rely on such thing. It gave you a new sort of appreciation in life for what was smaller and overlooked.

It felt as if your body was on autopilot, doing your nightly mundane tasks so that you could fall asleep as soon as possible. 

Sleep was what you considered an escape from your daily loneliness and despair, and an escape that you couldn’t wait to fulfil. Though, after both today and recent events, perhaps it wouldn’t have to stay as that for long.

You slipped comfortably into your pyjamas, its soft cotton material gently caressing your skin. And then you crawled into bed, ready to let slumber overtake you for the night.

His scent was no longer on your pillow, but you supposed that was for the best. Things were changing, after all.

Just before you closed your eyes, you grabbed at your phone on the nightstand -a standard thing you did routinely before sleep just to double check that there wasn’t anything necessarily urgent that you needed doing, when you spotted a message.

** Hajime [23:39]:  Meet up soon? **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BIG chapter coming next week, hope u enjoy :)


	4. chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The saviour.

‘Hey!’ you called, spotting Iwaizumi waiting at your usual booth in the café.

Your ex’s best friend was sat waiting for you, a pleasant smile adorning his features. He wore a dark grey hoodie underneath a washed-out denim jacket, with silver rings littering the hand he lay his head on. At the sight of him, you felt butterflies flutter in your stomach. 

Someone this attractive could also be so caring? The possibility seemed almost too good to be true. But alas, you believed it - it was Hajime, after all.

Although Tendou didn’t necessarily approve of you meeting up with your ex boyfriend’s best friend, you had a genuine feeling settled within you that you could trust Hajime. As much of an overprotective best friend Tendou was, there was undoubtedly nothing for him to actually worry about while you were in Hajime’s company. So when you received the text from him asking to meet up, you unsurprisingly accepted his request first thing when you woke up (after a rather fulfilling night of sleep, that is).

This is was a good thing - Hajime helping you gain the proper closure you deserved. He wasn’t quite Oikawa himself, but being arguably the closest person to him and a vital (albeit minor) role in your past relationship and its failures meant that whatever advice and accounts from his perspective he had to offer were both reliable and completely understandable.

Oikawa probably wouldn’t approve, though (and there was a part of you that hoped he wouldn’t, if only to spite him). 

You sat down in your seat, both somewhat coincidentally in the seats the two of you sat last time, and began a friendly type of conversation.

Expectations of this meeting being awkward- while there was still an obvious sense of uncertainty lingering in the air that was only natural, you supposed- quickly dissipated as you were reminded once again just how easy it was to be in the former wing-spiker’s company.

You ordered a tea this time; a rather unpleasant chill very much making it’s presence known outside, causing you to long for warmth which your standard ice coffee definitely would not provide. You sat nursing the mug between your hands, feeling the welcoming heat seep from the beverage into your previously icy fingertips. Simultaneously, you enjoyed the sensation of the hot steam rising from the tea; slightly clouding your vision with its comforting aroma. Listening to Iwaizumi’s detailing of how his studies have been going on so far, you realised just how peaceful you felt.

‘You know, Y/N’, he started, in a sudden change of topic, ‘I feel like I barley know you. I know we’ve been friends for quite a while now but I feel like most of what I know about you has come from Oikawa instead of you’.

You hummed around a mouthful of tea. ‘Anything you want to know in particular?’ you questioned curiously.

It was true, you supposed - you were rarely ever left alone in Iwaizumi’s company. He often third wheeled your’s and Oikawa’s dates, but whenever the three of you would engage in casual conversation about yourselves it almost felt as if Oikawa did the talking for you. Whether that was a result of his possessiveness, a strange act of kindness to keep you from embarrassing yourself in your words (you did have a tendency to over share, after all) or simply another one of his irritating ways in belittling you, you were never quite sure. But you did know that Iwaizumi getting to know you better was certainly something you wanted to do now.

‘Like uhh...What’s your favourite animal?’

‘Bunnies!’ you replied cheerily.

‘I probably could’ve guessed that’, he laughed, pointing towards the bunny key chain you had attached to your purse. ‘Maybe I should ask something less trivial. What are your ambitions for the future, y’know after you finish university?’

And that was when your entire body slumped.

‘I haven’t really decided yet’, you stated, averting your eyes from his somewhat hesitantly. While yes, you weren’t originally from Japan where students were meant to have their career plans already figured out from when they are fairly young, you still had a suspicion that people of your age anywhere else in the world should at least have a vague sort of idea of what they wanted to do for a living. With you, it seemed as if you lacked any sort of passion when it came to the topic of work, and the thought of choosing just one thing and sticking to it for the rest of your life left you occasionally in a state of nausea.

‘Well I’m sure you’ll figure something out eventually’, Iwaizumi assured kindly, a noticeable lack of judgment present in his tone. ‘I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you. I mean you’re practically good at everything!’

His words were playful and teasing with a reassuring intent, but to you that didn’t feel like much of a compliment.

While Iwaizumi didn’t quite catch onto the way your shoulders subtly slouched and the minuscule look of defeat flickering in your expression, he did pick up on the fact that after the long, mostly painful three years of yours and Oikawa’s relationship, it almost seemed as if both of your personalities (or, for want of a better term, most unlikeable traits) had merged together ever so slightly. It wasn’t a great thing that happened at all, but it was certainly unsurprising - Iwaizumi and all of the other people the two of you were close with always considering you two-halves-of-a-whole, twin flames; soulmates, even, if that was something you believed in. You had always been a rather unmotivated person, much to your peers’ shame at your blatant waste of potential, and that was most definitely an unfortunate trait that Oikawa had ended up gaining himself. 

You became like him too, in a way. The dark brown haired man wouldn’t go as far to call you ‘self-obsessed’ per say, but it did appear that you unknowingly placed yourself on a pedestal above everyone else, looking down on them with something reminiscent of distain, whether this was your intention or not. When Hajime first met you, he deemed you as far from vain, but he couldn’t help but take notice of the way your attention now seemed to be drawn to mirrors or any kind of surface in which you could view your reflection in. As a matter of fact, he often caught you fussing with your hair and reapplying your lip-gloss too, even though in his humble opinion you looked great regardless. Your appearance and the way you presented yourself had unintentionally become something that you put a lot of value into, and you didn’t want anything or anyone to disrupt this perfect image that you had created for the second most important person in your life- yourself.

It was probably just a new found confidence (or maybe even doubt) after your tragic breakup, he decided. Probably.

And yet even when Iwaizumi reiterated just how sorry he was and just how guilty he felt towards his part in your breakup, and even when you jumped to reassure him that in your eyes he did nothing wrong, he still felt as if there was something  _ off  _ about it all.

You knew about his regrets. And you didn’tactually care if he ever stopped regretting at all.

...

It became a joke that Iwaizumi was your ‘personal therapist’. You often teased him affectionately about the great extent of care he had for you during your weekly meet-ups.

Talking to Iwaizumi was great. Not only was he a fantastic listener and an extremely attentive friend, but until your sessions with one another, you hadn’t quite realised just how much your breakup affected him, too. The more you discussed, the more you vented your feelings to one another, the better the both of you felt.

The closer you became, too.

Even if you hadn’t fully acknowledged it back then, you always had these thoughts of Iwaizumi being your aid, even if he was supposedly Oikawa’s best friend. Although he claimed to be neutral every time the two of you fought, he’d always rush over to comfort you first and ensure that you were okay. But now, you could confidently say that he was, in fact,  _ your _ aid and you knew that without him you would’ve been suffering for so much longer.

Darkness settled itself over the sky once more, each passing day meaning that the sun refused to stay for longer. You and Iwaizumi exited the café ready to return home for the night.

You watched as he felt around his pockets for a moment, before sighing in what seemed to be a state of borderline frustration. ‘Ah, shit. I ran out of cigarettes’.

You weren’t an avid smoker - the times that you did smoke in the past, you often opted to indulge in marijuana rather than nicotine - so naturally you didn’t have any cigarettes on you to offer him. And yet, in a very minor yet welcoming act of kindness, you didn’t mind waiting patiently for him outside while he purchased himself some more.

‘You sure you’ll be alright out here, Y/N?’ he asked much to your expectancy, a little uncertain at leaving you outside by yourself while the small, but very real possibility of danger lingered in the air.

‘I can handle myself’, you rolled your eyes teasingly. You knew that Iwaizumi liked to watch over you to ensure that you weren’t in harms way, but the man who ran the convenience store just so happened to be the coach of the old volleyball team you managed back in high school - and at this time you’d rather avoid engaging in idle and meaningless conversation with someone who you hadn’t spoken to in years. ‘Besides, it’s not even that cold out here’.

With a ‘Whatever you say’ grumbled your way as Iwaizumi entered the store, you pulled out your phone, typing a message to Tendou about meeting up with him soon.

You chuckled at a meme he sent you, about to respond when you heard someone calling your name from around the corner.

‘Y/N! Y/N!’

The voice was faint and distant, so you shook it off as nothing more than your imagination messing with you. Screw Iwaizumi for planting thoughts of potential danger in your head.

You resumed typing out your text in response to Tendou, when you heard the voice calling for you once more. Only this time, louder and with more demand.

It was probably just someone from your classes somehow managing to recognise you in the moonlight. No one of importance.

Except as the voice grew louder and louder, you became frozen in fear.

Was that _Oikawa_?

You knew that the last thing you should do at this moment was to go and investigate. Even if it was the unlikely circumstance that it happened to be your ex, it would contradict everything you’ve been working towards to get over him. Plus, Iwaizumi would be worried if you suddenly disappeared from where he told you to wait.

And yet, as the calls for you continued, it only became solidified in your mind. The voice belonged to Oikawa.

You couldn’t resist the temptation any longer; it was like you were Eve in the garden of Eden and the devil himself was presenting you the delectable apple in his snake form. The shouts became more and more full with desperation and you simply had to take the bait. You had to eat the apple and destroy the paradise created for you.

He needed you.

You tucked your phone hurriedly back into your pocket and rounded the corner, not releasing that you were no longer illuminated by the moon nor the streetlights. The only thing that surrounded the dingy alleyway that you had just unknowingly entered was pure darkness.

Your eyes scanned, equally as desperate as the tone in his voice, for your beloved (you could put aside the fact that you despised him in this moment. After all, he needed you), when in what felt like an instant you were slammed uncomfortably into a nearby brick wall.

You cringed briefly at the pain, but chose to ignore it in favour of the more important subject at hand. Except when your eyes managed to adjust themselves to the dark oblivion surrounding your current unsafe location, you realised that the person in front of you was indeed not Oikawa.

It was Terushima.

And he had you completely caged in. 

You wriggled hopelessly in your desperate yet useless attempts to free, but he had you pinned against the wall so tightly that there was physically nothing that you could do to make him let go of you. No matter how much you struggled, no matter how hard you tried to inflict pain on him, you very quickly came to the unfortunate conclusion that it was all for nought.

You didn’t exactly make yourself limp and pliant, not wanting to give the prick any sort of satisfaction at you giving into his advances, but after realising that your attempts of escape were futile you slowly decreased your harsh movements, wailing in what could only be described as agony and defeat. 

‘Pretty girls like you’, he breathed, the somewhat foul stench of alcohol fanning off from his breath; the piercing on his tongue glistening maliciously as if it were somehow mocking you, ‘shouldn’t be wandering the streets alone at night’.

‘Let me go Terushima!’ you demanded, feeling your mascara begin to drip down your cheeks pitifully, smudging against your now tear-stained flesh. ‘This isn’t funny!’

You didn’t know what his intentions were, which is what made this all the more unnerving. Perhaps this was just a sick joke to him - revenge for all those months of rejection you unkindly gave him. Perhaps it was something so much worse.

You watched as his snarky expression dropped slightly, conforming into one of concern. ‘But I thought you finally wanted me!’ he cooed. ‘You came all the way over here for me! You heard my calls!’

Frankly, you were sick of this. Whether he spoke in fake pity of you, or if his mindset was actually that fucking delusional, you were unsure. But either way, his palms digging into your wrists began to form a sharp pain, and all that you desired in that current moment was for him to let you go.

‘Please Terushima, you’re hurting me!’ you sobbed. ‘Please let go of me!’

‘But why should I when I finally have you right here before me?’ he refused, proving once more that even though he was drunk, he most definitely did not deserve the benefit of the doubt.

You struggled against him once more, really not wanting your situation to escalate into anything more awful than this, when all of a sudden you heard a thump and witnessed blood fly through the air.

Free. You were finally  _ free _ . And as you watched another harsh punch being delivered to who was only meant to be your overly flirtatious waiter, you realised that the person who came to your rescue was Iwaizumi.

The whole ordeal was over in a flash, and even if Terushima was sober enough to put up a proper fight, he undoubtedly would’ve lost against Iwaizumi of all people. ‘Are you okay?’ he asked sincerely, stepping away from Terushima’s limp body that lay motionless on the alleyway’s cold concrete floor. You stood staring at him, too frozen in both shock and fear to respond. ‘He’s not dead, y’know. Just unconscious’.

Managing to break free from your panic-stricken state, you nodded. ‘Y-yes. T-thank you’, you shakily responded.

He grabbed the passed-out waiter by his arms and dragged him out of alley so that no more shady people lurking around at this ungodly hour of the night would cause him anymore harm, before coming back and grabbing your hand.

Iwaizumi lead you out from the darkness that was the alleyway, the warmth of his calloused hand that was joined with yours doing a rather great yet unexpected job at calming you down completely. He didn’t berate you for wandering off when he explicitly told you to wait outside the store for him. He didn’t pester you with useless questions about the whole ordeal. He simply stood by you in a reassuring silence and that weirdly felt like more than enough.

Absently, you wondered if Iwaizumi recognised the extent that his actions meant to you. At this point, he understood the pain that Oikawa left you more than anyone, and while him and your ex had been inseparable since childhood, he wasn’t blind enough to not acknowledge just how much of a shitty person he was the majority of the time. You had seen the way Iwaizumi scowled whenever Terushima would wait your table and not so subtly wink at you, and you wondered if that had been part of his intention all along - to get you away from people like your ex, like Terushima. People who would undoubtedly cause you immense amounts of pain.

And as the two of you walked hand in hand back to your apartment so that you could finally retire from this long and traumatic night, you, in your hazed, exhausted thoughts, realised something that you probably should’ve realised sooner. Something you should’ve even realised during the hurdles of yours and Oikawa’s relationship.

Iwaizumi was your saviour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter hasn’t been beta read so i apologise for any mistakes! 
> 
> here’s some information about this universe that is useful but not necessarily relevant or explicitly said in the story:
> 
> •reader and oikawa have been dating for 3 years. over the 3 years, they have broken up 3 times (with the story taking place after the third breakup). the reasons behind each breakup will all feature later in the story ;)  
> •reader and oikawa first got together in high school when oikawa was a third year and reader was a second year (they have a one year age gap between them).  
> •oikawa is 21 (as well as all of the other third year characters), reader is 20.  
> •oikawa goes to college/university in tokyo and reader goes to college/university near miyagi.  
> •story takes place at the beginning of fall, and the third breakup happens over the summer.  
> •reader is a HUGE anime/manga fan lol
> 
> all other facts about this au will reveal themselves later in the plot! but i hope u enjoyed this chapter and look forward to the next coming next sunday :)


	5. chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i apologise in advance for any mistakes! chapter hasn’t been beta read and i didn’t have the time to properly proof it myself but i hope u enjoy nonetheless:)

_ Learning Japanese was meant to be the hard part. _

_ Thankfully, just like every other skill you were fortunate enough to acquire in your lifetime, the language came to you almost as easy as breathing air, prompting the matter to not be something that you particularly put too much stress into. You had always had a strange sort of fascination with Japanese culture, which was evident in how much Japanese media you consumed. _

_ But moving to Japan wasn’t something that was ever necessarily on your agenda. In fact, it was a coincidental stroke of luck. Your school had connections with a high school in Japan, and they had arranged an exchange program with each other. The programme meant that the students from each country respectively could exchange schools with one another to experience what life was like across the globe and continue their studies in a new, unfamiliar way.  _

_ To say that your social battery was limited was an overstatement. But - as daunting as the move was - you were completely and utterly fed up of the people, the places, practically everything, that surrounded you in your day to day life in your home country. It was the same old shit, repeating like some kind of broken record player that was stuck on a revolting loop since your childhood, and quite frankly you were sick of it. You needed a change. _

_ Obviously, you scored highest out of those competing for the transfer spot and it wasn’t long before you were packing your bags and boarding the next plane straight to Japan, where you spent a day in Tokyo as a sort of introduction to the country (and as an opportunity for you to fulfil your tourist dreams) before hopping on the train and travelling down to the fairly small village of Miyagi.  _

_ You could speak the language, you understood the culture so logically speaking it should’ve been easy for you to find people who willingly wanted to be in your company (or rather, who you wanted to be in your company. You chose your friends like you were picking flowers). You were slightly introverted in nature - not particularly shy - but you greatly preferred for people to approach you rather than making your mark known by approaching them instead.  _

_ The friends you made when you transferred to Karasuno High School were sweet enough, but you had yet to meet anyone who you truly felt a spark with. Someone who you could click to like some sort of magnet. _

_ So, it was to your surprise that you met that someone in the manga aisle of one of the local book stores. It was incredibly exciting to you to have a full range of manga to buy rather than just the limited supply your home country had to offer (which was an obvious factor of moving to Japan, this was its country of origin after all). He spotted you and almost instantaneously slid his way over, not recognising you as someone he’s seen around here before. _

_ It was true that you preferred waiting for people to come and strike conversation with you, but the same couldn’t be said for him. _

_ The teen looked interesting enough; his longish red hair spiked above his head in a strange sort of fashion and he was of a tall and lanky type of build, towering over you in a way that could only be described as that of some kind of friendly monster. It was easy enough to infer that some individuals were intimidated by him and his somewhat non-conventional appearance, but to you he seemed interesting and rather inviting in his greetings. _

_ Conversation between the two of you (about the manga you held with the intention of purchasing) flowed as naturally as water. He was here to see if they had the newest edition of Shounen Jump up for sale, and he frequented the book shop frequently enough that running into him at one point or another would’ve been inevitable. _

_ It was an odd but very welcome surprise that this was the first person you found yourself willingly wanting to be around since your move to Japan. So it was a great shame that when the two of you parted ways, you didn’t even manage to get his name or any semblance of information on how to contact him. Even when you visited the book store a few times after that first encounter in hopes of being able to see him again, it was much to your great disappointment that you never managed to bump into him again. _

_ As part of your transfer (that fortunately covered your accommodation and the majority of your expenses), it was a compulsory requirement for you to attend both regular club activities as well as manage or assist in managing in a club. You were approached by a fairly stunning woman, rectangular glasses shaping her face and its angelic-like features as she offered that you could become the assistant manager of the volleyball club - which would greatly help in decreasing the workload you had been given. It seemed like a straight forward offer that would make your life just that little bit easier so you most certainly agreed. _

_ It was at your first tournament that you finally managed to spot the boy once again. He noticed you after one of his games on the first day of matches, approaching you rather loudly. _

_ ‘Hey! It’s you from the manga aisle! I didn’t know you were into volleyball! How have you been?’ He reminded you of a ball of energy, genuinely as happy to see you again as you were to see him. _

_ You, at long last, got around to exchanging names (you asking him to address you by your given name like you did with everyone else since your move, rather than the standard Japanese way of using one’s family name instead. You weren’t quite used to that just yet, and your surname could be slightly difficult for the Japanese natives to pronounce anyway) and you learned that his was Satori Tendou. He requested that you call him by his first name ‘Satori’, if that was something that was easier for you. _

_ Not only was he a little ‘monster-ish’ in his appearance, but he was certainly a monster on the court, being the top team in the prefecture’s trusted middle blocker and obtaining the nick name ‘Guess Monster’ from his opponents, who were greatly irritated at the way he seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to their movements and plays.  _

_ ‘Isn’t he dreamy?’ Tendou smiled adoringly, pointing at his stoic, giant of a teammate from a distance while both of your teams weren’t currently playing any matches.  _

_ You huffed. ‘I mean he’s hardly my type’. _

_ Tendou rolled eyes teasingly. ‘Oh come on, you have to admit that he’s hot at least. The way he spikes those balls, the complete lack of emotion...’ _

_ This caused you to snort in reaction. ‘Why haven’t you asked him out yet? You seem confident enough’. _

_ ‘I have!’ he exclaimed in a frustrated, yet somehow humorous manner. ‘I’ve been trying to confess my undying love for him for the past two years but every time I bring it up his response is always ‘Thanks, you’re a great friend to me too’!’ _

_ You erupted into a fit of laughter at hearing his annoying situation, causing Tendou to turn towards and watch you do so, an amused smile tugging at the corners of his lips. ‘Who here would be your type anyway, Y/N-san?’ he questioned. _

_ You scanned the gymnasium from where the two of you were seated, your eyes settling on a handsome player with chestnut brown hair, who was slamming a ball with such force yet such precision that his opponents couldn’t help but show visible defeat in their shocked expressions. The crowd cheering for him certainly wasn’t helping. ‘He seems cute’, you pointed out nonchalantly. _

_ You heard Tendou scoff beside you. ‘Cute, but incredibly frustrating’, he spoke with distain, ‘He’s never managed to beat us though’. _

_ You laughed once more at his sudden change in attitude, finding great amusement in both his pride over his team and sometimes boastful behaviour when it came to them. _

_ The two of you have been practically attached by the hip ever since - this being before his fixation on illegal substances began - but regardless you were always more than delighted to be in the middle blocker’s company. _

Today did not change that fact.

The two of you were situated on top of the usual building that you deemed as yours, enjoying the 4pm sunset despite the crisp cold breeze that spiralled around you.

‘I’ve been feeling a lot better lately’, you stated as a casual way to break the comfortable silence you had both previously settled into. 

‘Why’s that?’

‘I took up Iwaizumi-san’s offer of letting him help me process the breakup. He’s been really great at giving me advice and stuff’, you explained.

Despite Tendou’s earlier claims of trusting your decisions, you could clearly see the way his relaxed expression faltered ever so slightly. Evidentially, he didn’t trust you and your choices as much as he had originally claimed. You huffed in annoyance. ‘Oh cmon Satori! You told me you wouldn’t be angry at me for seeing him!’

He sighed. ‘I never said that I wouldn’t be angry, just that I’d trust your decisions and allow you to go see him if that’s what you really wanted. Besides, I’m not angry Y/N, just a bit disappointed’.

‘You said you wouldn’t baby me’, you pouted. ‘And Iwaizumi’s really great! You remember Terushima-kun, right?’

‘The annoying waiter at that place? The one always asking you to go out with him?’

‘Mmhmm’, you nodded, ‘Well he was drunk the other night, y’know, when I was texting you and he came onto me in an alleyway. Iwaizumi saw and beat him up’. 

Tendou wasn’t glad at how much trust you were putting in your ex boyfriend’s best friend, and he was clearly furious that who was just meant to be an annoying asshole of a waiter blatantly attacked you whilst he wasn’t there to protect you. So hearing that someone he was so wary of stepped in and did the job for him came as quite of a shock. 

He always remembered Seijoh’s ace as a caring guy when it came to his teammates, but it oddly surprised him at the fact that he put so much care into you - even if stopping the attack was just something any person with an ounce of human decency would do if they witnessed the scene. He never thought he would admit it, but he was grateful to the man for coming to your rescue like that in a situation where he couldn’t do it for you. 

Maybe Iwaizumi did deserve to be trusted, after all.

The comfortable silence was broken once more at the sound of his burner phone beeping. He cringed and turned his attention towards you. ‘I gotta go, I’m late for a customer. You’ll be alright getting home by yourself, won’t you?’

It was still fairly light outside, so you nodded and with a goodbye-hug, watched as your best friend made his way off from the building and down the street.

Tendou checked his watch, alerting him of the time. He was only three minutes late to their scheduled exchange, but this particular customer was extremely fussy and uptight about these sorts of things.

He headed to his usual secluded spot where most of his dealings took place, his dark backpack hiding the goods that was swung over his shoulder as he walked with a brisk pace. When he finally arrived to the spot, he was met with a rather irritated (and irritating) customer leaning against the wall, a look of distain written clearly over his face.

‘You’re late’, Oikawa scoffed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and oikawa finally makes his appearance ;)
> 
> this chapter is mainly filler (sorry lol) but it is very important in helping understand the relationship between tendou and the reader,, but from this point onwards things are about to go down :p
> 
> also i’d like to thank those of you who have been reading so far! this is the first fanfic i’ve written since i was like 12 so i know that it may suck a little,, and it is slow burn so not everyone will be patient enough to stick around but to those who have so far, thank you sm! your kudos and even just you reading this are very much appreciated :)


	6. chapter five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The errand.

To put it simply, Tendou felt guilty.

This was their second exchange since the breakup - the man he held such a passionate distaste for in front of him only being a casual partaker in the substances he had to offer - and for both encounters, Tendou had to spend a good amount of time mentally preparing and assuring himself that this was  just an _errand_. Personal connections with customers didn’t mean  _ jack shit _ when this was  _ just business_.

He had been dealing for a few years now, and he’s come across all different kinds of disgusting breeds of people while running his business. It was only natural in the field of work he chose. So of course, he had plenty of experience in putting up with them in favour of obtaining his hard-earned cash.

And yet regardless, Tendou couldn’t ignore the pure amount of rage that infiltrated him whenever he even looked at the smug man’s annoyingly pretty face.

There was once a time where he and Oikawa got along. Granted, they were far from best friends. Tendou never did want to willingly spend time in the slightly shorter man’s company without you present, but they were both aware of the significance that each other held in your life. They could put their differences aside for your sake. 

But now, Oikawa was even more unbearable than the times where they opposed each other on the court. As much as Tendou hated to admit it, Oikawa was a formidable opponent. While it was true that the team captain never did actually manage to secure himself a victory over him and his team, he alone made their matches all the more frustrating. The way he was constantly observing Shiratorizawa’s movements, the way he almost always seemed to be plotting and scheming against them made Tendou take a natural disliking towards him right from the very start.

And now, their mutual hatred has only grown all the more stronger.

‘Sorry’, Tendou huffed, preventing himself from stooping down to the former setter’s level of pettiness. 

Truthfully, he wanted to snap back at Oikawa’s rude behaviour and express how he was only late by a few, insignificant minutes. But, fortunately for him, he had enough self control at this current moment to realise that it simply wasn’t worth it. He instead shrugged his backpack off from his shoulder, undoing the zipper and rummaging for what the other man asked of him.

From the corner of his eye, he spotted Oikawa tapping his foot impatiently. It drove him mad.

As much as Tendou attempted to hide his blatant bitterness, the task in itself seemed borderline impossible. He was an outspoken individual who had never quite perfected concealing his emotions (your ex being the cream of the crop when it came to pissing him off), and much to Oikawa’s delight and his annoyance, it wasn’t any different this time. The clear distain present on Tendou’s face was far more than just easily detectable.

His passive aggressive small-talk certainly didn’t help his situation either. Tendou unwillingly grumbled a ‘How have you been?’ to prove - mostly to himself - that he was perfectly calm and collected in the brown haired man’s company, and refused to meet his eyes as means to continue disguising his true hatred.

Oikawa replied back, already smirking at his lack of composure around him as he indulged in Tendou’s small-talk for the time being. It was no secret that he adored having this effect on people - their pitiful attempts at hiding how uncomfortable they felt in his presence becoming futile as they eventually realise they could never keep their true emotions from him anyway. He’s always been good at reading people like a book; it sometimes felt almost like he was an all-seeing god who knew literally everything about his people. Tendou always despised this about him.

‘You know, you really should stop antagonising me so much’, Oikawa started casually, shrugging, as if he wasn’t trying to rile his dealer up as much as humanly possible. ‘If you hate me so much, then why would you even agree to meet with me?’

That was another thing Oikawa did - pick at his opponents’ weaknesses and insecurities to force them to abandon their pride. And, unluckily for Tendou, it worked.

‘Shut the fuck up’, he snapped back harshly, prompting Oikawa to chuckle at his reaction and feign shock. ‘This’, he motioned towards the two of them, ‘Is just business. Nothing more, nothing less’.

‘Oh sure it is’, Oikawa looked as if he were trying to hold back his laughter, ‘Or did you just agree so that you could scold me for breaking our precious Y/N’s poor little heart?’

At the mention of your name, any amounts of self restriction Tendou was currently holding onto completely shattered into tiny uncollectible pieces.

‘Don’t bring her into this! You never deserved her!’

‘More like she didn’t deserve me’, Oikawa rolled his eyes at his retaliation. 

‘Oh my God, you’re actually fucking delusional. You’re a delusional, abusive piece of shit I never should’ve let anywhere near-‘

‘Abusive?!’ Oikawa seemed genuinely offended at the accusation, his hand coming to grasp at the clothing covering his heart as means to emphasise his sincerity. ‘I  never  hit her or laid a hand on her! She was equally as shitty to me as I was to her!’

Tendou scoffed, fed up with Oikawa’s bullshit. As much as he didn’t want to admit defeat, he hadn’t the energy to continue fuelling the man’s provocations. He reached back into his bag, grabbing the grams of cocaine that Oikawa ordered of him and rather aggressively handed them over. ‘Whatever. Why do you even need all this anyway?’

Tendou had never sold the man anything other than the occasional cannabis, assuming that he didn’t want to partake in any harder drugs in fear of damaging his ‘ _perfect body_ ’. Oikawa had always been particularly obsessed with his appearance and general health, even after he quit the sport he spent a life-time of dedication too. Usually, Tendou would respect the decision of prioritising one’s safety over the risks the drugs created, but with Oikawa, he knew it stemmed from a place of wanting to be presented as nothing short of perfection itself. 

The former athlete’s expression remained smug, satisfied knowing that he had won the little argument that he began. He took out his wallet and counted the cash he owed the man, humming nonchalantly. ‘Got a party coming up’, he replied.

Ah. It was always a party with him. Oikawa had always been quite the social butterfly - his natural extraverted and people-pleasing nature contrasting infuriatingly well with your more introverted one. 

Tendou always liked to assume that he had been the one to bring you out of your shell, but he could reluctantly admit that this was something he couldn’t actually take credit for. During your relationship, the two of you very often frequented parties - Oikawa being ever so popular that he just so happened to be invited to so many of them - and you spent a lot of time there mingling with new people. Although Tendou did accompany the two of you a fair few times, along with Iwaizumi, it was evident that you becoming more sociable was a result of Oikawa and not him. And while, since the breakup, you’ve been far too occupied in your misery to attend any more of those parties, the same could clearly not be said for your ex. Tendou absently wondered if the man used these events as means of distraction from you.

Oikawa handed the money over, and of course with Tendou’s natural distrust of him, he recounted the money to double check that he was paid the correct amount. Satisfied (although a part of him wished Oikawa had paid him the wrong amount, if only so Tendou could have the opportunity to snap at him again), he took the cash and planted it in a secure place in his bag before turning away.

Tendou grumbled a bitter ‘Goodbye’ over his shoulder, heading out before the asshole behind him could respond. But even so, as he finally parted ways with the man he so desperately wanted to avoid, he still felt a little unnerved by the whole thing. Because even though his back was turned and Oikawa was now completely out of his sight, he could still practically see and feel the man’s smirk playing at he corners of his lips in what could only be described as self-satisfaction. 

Tendou’s words didn’t threaten him at all - and he felt as if he were just a pawn in Oikawa’s game. It was almost like they were back on the court together, watching the conniving man from the other side of the net calculate and develop his scheme. Only this time, there was a sinking dread pooling at the base of his stomach rather than the usual yet temporary frustration he felt when playing against this particular opponent. Rather than feelings of certain victory occupying his thoughts, Tendou soon realised that not even the strongest team could triumph over Oikawa this time. And instead of the battle being over something as simple and insignificant as winning a volleyball match, it was a battle over _you_.

Oikawa was up to something. And something told Tendou that no matter how hard he tried, this was something that he just couldn’t put a stop to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just to clarify some things!
> 
> \- i know that drug distribution/use is a lot more strict in japan than it is elsewhere in the world (although it very likely still happens), but for the sake of fiction let’s imagine that it’s treated the same as any other country.
> 
> \- tendou does NOT have any romantic feelings towards the reader. He views her exclusively as his best friend and only wants to protect her. in this fic (as well as my general head-cannon of him) he is pansexual and as mentioned in the previous chapter, is hopelessly in love with ushijima. that being said, there are a few other characters that have feelings for the reader ;)
> 
> hope u enjoyed!


	7. chapter six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The invitation.

The first time the two of you broke up was because you both wanted different things.

After all, you were certain that what you had was more than just a high school sweet-heart kind of thing. But surely there was no way that you and him could go on when your ideas of the future were completely different?

_ One week after yours and Tooru’s first anniversary. The occasion was special - one that you would cherish forever - yet you knew that there was plenty more of them to come. _

_ You spent the occasion together, simply enjoying each other’s company. The celebration wasn’t super flashy or expensive - a semi-romantic picnic underneath the stars where you spent more time huddled together for warmth rather than indulging in any of the food before you - but that hardly mattered. _

_ Tooru was your soulmate; there was absolutely no doubt in your mind. The year the two of you spent together was nothing but heavenly, and only solidified the fact that you wanted this to be eternal.  _

_ Sure, you were both young and stupid (that much was for sure) except that what you had with him was real love, definitely not something you could just ignore because of your ages. And as you gazed in awe at the man huddled next to you, who’s ethereal, moonlit beauty outshone that of the glittering stars which you were certain were responsible for binding the two of you together, you were absolutely certain that nothing could go wrong. _

_ Except it did. _

_ ‘Hey Y/N! Come check this out!’ your boyfriend called you over, lounging comfortably on your bed while you went to go and order the two of you some food. _

_ You entered your bedroom, tucking your phone into the pocket of Tooru’s oversized hoodie that you were currently wearing (you didn’t realise quite how tall he was sometimes, the article of clothing quite literally coming down to your knees to the point where you didn’t even need to wear any pants underneath. You blamed it on working with over six feet tall volleyball players on the daily) when you spotted the magazine in his hands. _

_ Walking over to your bed and planting yourself gently next to where he was laying, he rather enthusiastically pointed to a glossy-paged article inside that he had taken special interest in. _

_ You always found it endearing when your boyfriend talked about the sport he was most passionate about - it was cute to see the way his eyes sparkled with joy whenever he became more and more enthused about the subject.  _

_ Watching him in his element was truly something you loved doing. You had once wished that he would never stop, but you soon realised that even you had your limits when it came to your boyfriend’s excitement. _

_ Occasionally it would ever so slightly get on your nerves - feeling like he cared more about hitting a ball around than you. Not that you would say anything about it, of course, after all your relationship was the epitome of perfection. _

_ But still. Hearing him talk about it so much really started to bore you. _

_ So when you looked at the article in question, you tried to maintain a soft smile as he detailed about just how cool the Argentinian national team presented was. Admittedly, you did feel a little guilty about the way you feigned interest over the matters your boyfriend was so devoted to, but keeping up this facade was easy when you got to watch the usual sparkle in his eye once again (even if it wasn’t directed at you). _

_ Until he turned toward you gleefully, the entire atmosphere around him radiant and glimmering as a vast smile spread throughout his plush lips. The atmosphere around you, however, most certainly wasn’t when he began describing the relevance that the article had. _

_ ‘After I graduate, I wanna play for Argentina! What do you think about that, Y/N? You and me moving over there, sounds like the dream, right?’ _

_ You didn’t think that it sounded like ‘the dream’ at all. Quite frankly, it was far from it. _

_ Your blood didn’t even run cold, nor did an overwhelming flurry of rage overtake you. Instead, you laughed.  _

_ Laughed about how pathetic it was. _

_ Tooru quirked an eyebrow at your unexpected reaction, yet his smile still remained firmly on his features as he watched you work yourself into hysterics.  _

_ Perhaps he assumed that your reaction was positive. Perhaps he thought that you’ve been waiting for him to bring this up all along, overjoyed at the prospect of moving to a new, exotic country with him and spending the rest of your lives together to the point where you didn’t even know what to do with yourself once he finally mentioned it. _

_ He couldn’t be further from the truth.  _

_ And he realised this when you had calmed yourself down and almost spat at him, ‘I’m not moving to fucking Argentina for something as stupid as volleyball!’ _

_ Tooru’s face faltered completely. You spoke your words somewhat playfully, and yet there was nothing but pure venom laced in your tone. He sat there staring at you, attempting to process what you had just so condescendingly said, but he could not for the life of him prevent the hurt he felt as you glared at him as if he were worthless. _

_ As if his passions and dreams - everything that he had ever worked for were worthless. _

_ In an instant, he pushed himself off of your bed and stormed off into the next room. Maybe you were just shocked, he thought. Maybe his words had taken you so much by surprise and the thought of moving to somewhere foreign for the second time in your life intimidated you so much to the point where you couldn’t control the things that you were saying. _

_ He needed to calm down. At this point he didn’t care about his somewhat dramatic exit and how you could possibly be confused and doubting yourself because of it - he loved you more than anything and yet he couldn’t deny how badly your words stung, even if they were just an exaggeration created in a state of shock. He took a seat on your coach, slouching as he pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled heavily.  _

_ Yet you didn’t offer him any semblance of peace when you followed him only a few moments later, blissfully unaware of the extent of distress you had just caused him and instead laughing at his childish reaction.  _

_ You continued, ‘I mean why would you dedicate yourself so much to a sport you’re not even naturally talented at? You said it yourself - you’ll never beat the geniuses so what’s the point in moving across the world to-‘ _

_ ‘Shut up’, Tooru snapped suddenly, effectively cutting you off before realising how harsh he had just sounded. ‘Sorry, but please stop. You know how much volleyball means to me and there’s nothing wrong with me wanting to pursue it-‘ _

_ ‘Really?’ You laughed blatantly in disbelief. ‘All you do is throw a ball around. It’s a worthless, stupid game that you shouldn’t be putting so much into’. _

_ You watched as his fists clenched, and came to the conclusion that he had finally had enough of your provocation. He gave up on his attempts at calming himself down, getting up from where he was slouching and you flinched at the aggressiveness in his voice. ‘I told you to shut up, didn’t I? I figured that asking you to come with me wasn’t so unreasonable since you practically have no direction in your life anyway’. _

_ Evidentially by the way that you gasped and took a step away from him, you were outraged. You didn’t know what your intentions were when you began expressing your distain for his future ambitions, but him attacking you for not yet having an idea of what you wanted to pursue sparked something inside of you which transformed the lack of understanding and your previous teasing attitude into anger and hurt. _

_ You sometimes saw the way he reacted in the times where you’d just pick up a skill easily as if it was nothing; when you’d get an almost perfect score on a test despite not even studying for it at all. Everything came naturally to you, and yet you contained no motivation to fully utilise your talents. _

_ If there was one thing Tooru Oikawa hated more than a genius, it was a genius who refused to use their potential. And judging by his little pathetic outburst over something as meaningless as volleyball, you figured that that included you, too. _

_ The argument continued until the both of you physically couldn’t argue anymore, your cheeks flush and stained with tears. All of the arguments you had before in your year of dating were only small and forgotten about within days. Apologises were said practically within minutes.  _

_ But this was extremely different, something that simply couldn’t be reduced down to an ‘argument’. Tooru realised it too, as he turned towards you with both devastation and exhaustion evident in his worn-out expression. ‘I think we should break up’, he mumbled. ‘We won’t last if we can’t agree on the future we both want together’. _

_ And as distraught as you were, you agreed - watching him grab his things from your apartment and leave for what you assumed was the final time. _

It was interesting at how much volleyball was a common theme in your life, despite you barley caring about it at all.

The familiar sounds of the balls smacking against the floor, the yells between teammates and the cheers of the crowd that you were currently sitting in filled your ears as you listened to Iwaizumi’s commentary on the match. 

You surprisingly weren’t opposed to coming to see this game when Iwaizumi first offered - of course, spending more time with him sounded like a fantastic idea and you had jumped to it when the opportunity presented itself. Not only was the man’s presence nothing less than comforting to be around, but you couldn’t help but feel butterfly’s form in your stomach just by listening to him speak.

Affection came easily to you when you were with him. Maybe it was due to him practically curing your loneliness after months without Oikawa, mistaking your gratitude for him as something else entirely. Or maybe your feelings towards him were genuine.

But either way, you were extremely glad to be sat by his side at this moment, watching some of the boys you had managed on your team and some that you had encountered from various tournaments and training camps back in high school play against one another.

Seeing Kageyama and Ushijima back in action again, this time on the same team as one another, managed to provide you with a somewhat surreal feeling. Both were your ex boyfriend’s rivals - the genius players that he was so desperate to defeat.

(But seeing Ushijima did give you a strange amount of amusement; this was the oblivious man poor Tendou had been trying to pursue for years now, and all of his efforts and attempts somehow always seemed to lead to no avail).

As if he was a mind reader, Iwaizumi began, ‘I couldn’t tell him this, but I really wish that Oikawa never quit volleyball. We could’ve been watching him right now’, he sighed.

And as you watched the final point be scored and heard the sounds of celebration erupt throughout the gymnasium, and as you witnessed Koutarou Bokuto rush over to the stands to embrace his boyfriend Akaashi (who, as delighted as he was towards the victory, became more occupied in attempting to calm down the large excitable man), you couldn’t help the vast amount of guilt rushing to consume you at Iwaizumi’s words.

...

The match concluded in the early afternoon, so after spending half an hour or so catching up with your old teammates and opponents (Hinata practically climbing the walls at the mere sight of you), you and Iwaizumi decided to go and get lunch together. After finding a decent place to sit - obviously opting not to go back to the café with the intention of avoiding that asshole Terushima - the two of you began to engage in your standard friendly conversations.

The guilt you felt from remembering your first breakup and its consequences was still settled deep within you, but you couldn’t decipher whether or not it dissipated or grew stronger when Iwaizumi brought up an invitation.

_ Yet another party. After being in Japan for two years now, you were familiar enough with people to the point where you didn’t have to rely on Oikawa to get invited to places. And after breakup number two, you needed a distraction - something to at least temporarily remove the bitter devastation you felt. So naturally, a party that a few of your fairly good friends were hosting seemed like the perfect solution.  _

_ You didn’t originally plan on attending, but you were utterly fed up spending your nights sobbing again. It was a rash last-minute decision. _

_ One that you definitely regretted making. _

_ It was around that time in the early morning when you showed up - the time where the majority of attendees were drunk out of their minds, resulting in either passing out in the middle of the floor or desperately grabbing at each other in need of intoxicated intimacy. _

_ You hadn’t spent too much time on your appearance - the last thing you wanted was to hookup with someone other than him and your only intention for coming here being to wash away your sorrows. You cringed at your surroundings, instead opting to search for one of your friends who would surely be in possession of all of the alcohol you could ever need at this current moment. _

_ However, that happened to be the only thing you desired above all else, causing your searching to become frantic. The heavy bass in the speakers paining your head and the constant groping you felt from those passing by overwhelming you until no end. You wanted to leave. Your friend was no where to be found, and coming out at all was begging to turn into a complete mistake.  _

_ You hadn’t even consumed any alcohol yet, but you still felt sick to your stomach. _

_ Longing for a peace of mind which only silence and solitude could provide, you turned into one of the bedrooms which seemed to be unoccupied, opening the door with a relieved exhale when no amounts of deafening noise threatened to break your ear drums. _

_ Except the sight you saw before you happened to be so much worse. _

_ In front of you, sitting on the bed, was none other than Oikawa. But he was far from alone, for he had a girl situated on his lap, straddling and basically humping him at this point as their lips locked in what could only be described as a disgusting display of lust. _

_ You couldn’t for the life of you move your legs, nor could you tear your eyes away from the scene. The sight of the man that you had loved so fiercely with someone that wasn’t you prevented you from turning away, and it was a sight that most certainly would stay engraved in your mind for almost years to come. _

_ The need to leave him in privacy gave you the intense desire to flee the scene, but a far bigger part of you wished for him to notice you watching. For him to be consumed by guilt for having his beloved witness him making out with another woman. _

_ But when his eyes did flutter open and he finally took note of your shocked and utterly devastated form, he made no move to stop what was going on. In fact, he only continued with more passion and intensity as his eyes remained locked directly onto yours. _

_ Even though the two of you were not together at this point, and what he was doing could not be considered cheating, it still stung to no end as you felt that he had utterly betrayed you. _

_ A smirk danced on his occupied lips as he watched the tears begin to run down your cheeks. This was his punishment, you realised - punishment for leaving him - and it was far too much for you to bare. _

_ At long last, you had finally managed to free yourself from your frozen state and run away, most definitely regretting coming to this shitty party in the first place. _

So it did come as a surprise when the slightly on-edge and distracted Iwaizumi invited you to a party that he would be attending soon.

Hanamaki-san and Matsukawa-san were both hosting at the rather huge house that they both shared, the one that Hanamaki had inherited from his wealthy late grandfather. 

You had remembered the first time that you met the pair; you went to go and pick Oikawa up after one of his late night practices, when you walked into Seijoh’s gymnasium and unfortunately witnessed the two of them fucking right in the centre of the floor. And rather than making an effort to cover themselves up after having their indecency not go unnoticed, they simply turned to each other, shrugged, and kept going as if you weren’t even present at all.

You visibly cringed at the memory, as much as you grew to like the pair over the years, before attempting to play it off to a concerned Iwaizumi who sat awaiting your response.

‘Sorry Hajime, but I don’t really feel up to partying just yet’, you frowned.

Iwaizumi sighed as if that was the exact response he expected, before continuing in an attempt to convince you. ‘Come on Y/N! You deserve to have a good time! I think this’ll be good for you’.

Truthfully, while you weren’t quite certain that going to a party was something that you actually wanted to do, the fact that you would get to spend more time in Iwaizumi’s company did make the idea sound more appealing. Still, after remembering that one incident from one of the previous parties that you had attended, you were hesitant.

Proving once more that he had a somewhat psychic insight to your thoughts, Iwaizumi stated, ‘Oikawa won’t be there, or at least not that I know of anyway. Either way, I’ll be there with you and I promise to keep him far away’.

You mulled it over for a few more moments before accepting his invitation. After all, Iwaizumi was your saviour. So you were truly certain that when he was around to protect you, you were completely out of harm’s way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a very flashback-heavy chapter, but a very important one lol
> 
> hopefully you’re starting to see what kind of person reader-chan is hehe
> 
> hope u enjoyed !! :D


	8. chapter seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The infatuated.

‘I-I’ve liked you for a while now Oikawa-senpai so I was wondering if...If you would like to go out with me!’

Oikawa gazed down upon his junior, smiling gently at her trembling form as he crouched down to her level and delicately placed her small, fragile hands in his own. 

She was cute, with her cheeks tinted a rosy shade and her pretty blue eyes far too nervous to meet his. She had light brown hair that curled effortlessly over her shoulder and her pink dress ruffled slightly with the on-going wind.

It was a good day to confess; the sun was shining and the birds were singing, and not a single cloud could be spotted along the horizon. The browning leaves fell elegantly, surrounding the pair and the slight chill in the crisp air was tolerable enough to become borderline pleasant.

This must’ve taken a lot of courage - approaching the handsome brunette and even being able to confess to him was something that he had to give her credit for. Most of the girls at his college were too shy to even think about doing such a thing, knowing that he was so far out of their leagues that the opportunity for their stupid little crushes to evolve into something more was one that was not worth taking.

Regardless, he was impressed by the girl’s bravery. He vaguely recognised her from his chemistry course, and he thinks that they probably once did a project together (although if he remembers correctly, she was quite happy to do most of the work for him). Quite frankly, he had never even thought about the girl’s existence, but he had to applaud her. Who knew that someone so timid looking could have so much guts? 

‘Aw. What a cute little thing you are’, Oikawa cooed, watching with amusement as the pink-faced girl toyed bashfully with her skirt. ‘Unfortunately, I’m not really up dating any one at the moment, let alone someone as pathetic as you’.

It was hilarious.

He watched the realisation of his harsh words cause the poor girl’s previously anxiety-ridden expression drop into that ofa humiliated one. He didn’t even feel guilty about the way the tears welled up in her eyes before she could uselessly attempt to blink them away. 

Why would he? Playing with his prey before going in for the kill was always that little bit more thrilling than just slaughtering it upon first sight. And as sick and twisted as that may sound, who could really blame him for enjoying such a thing?

Especially because she wasn’t you.

He knew how unkind it was to mess around with innocent people’s feelings like that, but he figured if anyone had a right to do so, it was him. After you dumped him and shattered his ever so loving heart into a billion tiny pieces, any opportunity that managed to make him smile was one that he simply couldn’t resist taking.

And he couldn’t resist adding more fuel to the fire, too - if only so his own satisfaction could increase more at the sight of her misery.

Poor girl should never have even bothered.

‘Go on now, go and find someone on your level so that I won’t have to see your pitiful face ever again’, he added, his tone remaining upbeat and jovial (and extremely patronising, admittedly) despite his cruel words.

The girl, far too ashamed to stay around the man who had just so condescendingly rejected her any longer, freed herself from her shocked state and rushed away with muffled sobs traitorously leaving her lips. Oikawa pouted, not yet dropping his faux innocent attitude due to his wicked desire and the missed chance to degrade the girl some more.

Some would call him evil. He preferred the term ‘brutally honest’.

‘That was mean’, Kuroo turned toward him, laughing at his friend’s typical behaviour (and partially at the way the girl’s expression resembled that of a kicked puppy dog). ‘Besides, I thought you wanted to start seeing new people!’

Oikawa scoffed, causing Kuroo to laugh even harder at the reaction to his teasing. ‘You know I only said that ‘cus I was angry that night, right? Nobody could ever compare to Y/N anyway so why even bother?’

Kuroo rolled his eyes at Oikawa’s response, knowing just how passionate (and borderline obsessive) the shorter man could when it came to the subject of you.

And that fact proved itself yet again, when after the failed confession, the two travelled down from Tokyo to Miyagi, stopping to get lunch. Oikawa was in the process of showing his friend your latest Instagram post.

It was a picture that Tendou had taken of you when the two of you were watching the sunset together one evening in your usual rooftop hang-out spot; a candid shot of you looking nothing less than ethereal despite not being aware the camera was on you. You didn’t put any effort into your pose, your outfit was casual and you wore no makeup on your smiling face, but anyone could see just how stunning you were.

As much as Oikawa despised that bastard Tendou - the very man who you had so annoyingly declared as your ‘best friend’ - he was shamefully grateful to him for taking such beautiful pictures of you. Seeing these images appear on his feed every week or so truly filled him with such adoration to the point where he screen-shotted each and every one of them, adding them to the special folder he had on his camera roll that was specifically dedicated to you.

Kuroo raised an eyebrow. ‘Didn’t she block you?’ he questioned, curious as to how your ex had access to something that you clearly didn’t want him to.

Oikawa rolled his eyes, but was far more preoccupied in scrolling through the rest of your profile to meet his friend’s somewhat concerned expression. ‘I made a fake account, duh’, he chuckled, stating the obvious.

‘Isn’t that kind of weird? You’re like a creepy ex, you know that?’

Oikawa chucked. ‘Relax, Testu-chan! It’s perfectly normal. I bet Y/N has one too to stalk me’.

Kuroo, who not only didn’t have the energy to continue this discussion but somehow found himself thoroughly entertained at his friend’s antics, chuckled at the accuracy of Oikawa’s statement.

Even though you and him weren’t particularly close, he knew that Oikawa’s infatuation with you was far from one sided. You probably did in fact own a fake account that you used to view your ex’s profile and probably spent equally as much time, if not more, drooling over his posts as he did to yours.

Besides, questioning Oikawa’s judgement was never worthwhile. Other people’s opinions, especially other people’s opinions on you, were nothing but irreverent to him. He was apparently so much better than everyone else, so why would he even bother to hear them out? Why would Kuroo even bother to interfere?

Oikawa was always right about everything. Omniscient. So it was both a waste of time and effort for such a busy man like Kuroo to correct or critique him on such minuscule things. 

And Oikawa knew this; both Kuroo and practically everyone else who became fortunate enough to know him on a personal level was aware of this factor. While it did fuel his ego to no extent, he couldn’t help but feel sorry for those obeying his every command, like dumb sheep flocking to their Shepard.

Too bad he had so much fun using that to his advantage.

Oikawa did like Kuroo. He has done ever since the day they met (naturally, they did have a lot in common so that really wasn’t any surprise). At first, he came across as nosy and overly doting - always with a snarky, intrusive comment ready at the tip of his tongue. But the predominant reason why Oikawa allowed the taller man to be in his presence so much was purely due his uncaring attitude.

He never interfered with Oikawa’s business. He never stuck his nose into anything that he shouldn’t, and perhaps only encouraged Oikawa’s decisions. They were on the same wave-length.

‘I can’t stay here in Miyagi for long. I gotta go back to Tokyo in about a week’s time’, stated Kuroo. ‘Work will be piling up otherwise’.

‘Wow you’re so dedicated to your business’, Oikawa somewhat joked. ‘Putting so much into a stupid game like volleyball? I’m glad I never let that go on for me’.

Kuroo laughed. ‘Well, I’m rich from it now’, he boasted shamefully, prompting a groan from the man in front of him. ‘Anyway, I’m gonna go catch up with some old friends around here, I’ll see ya in a bit’.

Oikawa loudly thanked Kuroo for paying his meal while he was exiting the restaurant, causing a middle finger to be thrown his way. Oikawa laughed to himself for a few moments, before shooting a text to Iwaizumi asking where he was.

Staying in the restaurant for any longer was pointless, and the waitress subtlyhitting on him wasn’t even that hot, so without any further procrastination he upped and left. 

He felt everyone’s eyes on him as he walked towards the door, smugly being aware of the way he was like a magnet for everyone’s attentions. He made his presence known everywhere he went, and while he’d love to stop and play with the customers and their blatant lust for him, there was a far more important task at hand.

The streets in Miyagi were fairly crowded, and the hustling noises of movement only fuelled his focus.

He caught Iwaizumi’s eye through the glass window of the place the two of you went to eat, saw the encouraging expression painted on his best friend’s face while detailing an invitation to you, and smirked.

But somehow, as all-seeing as he was, he didn’t manage to notice the furious Yuuji Terushima watching him from a distance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don’t really like this chapter too much and sorry it’s so short but i enjoyed writing from oikawa’s (and kuroo’s somewhat) perspective lmao,, next chapter is from his perspective too :p
> 
> fun fact! most characters in this fic represent a biblical figure! i think oikawa’s is fairly obvious (especially if you look at the tags) but it’d be interesting to see if any you have any guesses of who the other characters could be hehe
> 
> also i haven’t yet decided on a writing style i like, so i apologise if each chapter comes across as messy lol :D


	9. chapter eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The confrontation.

_ Everyday felt as if he were falling through an endless pit of despair with no way up. _

_ His passion for his beloved sport that had nestled itself deep within him - ever since he was a wide-eyed, over-excitable child - happened to be the very thing that drove him to such panicked devastation. _

_ He had devoted a life-time to perfecting his sport: his sets, his communication with his teammates and of course that monstrous serve that was guaranteed to leave his opponents in a state of utter defeat... _

_ The countless games he played, the countless games he had witnessed, the sleep-deprived hours of the night he spent strategising... _

_ The money he spent on equipment, the wasted time he spent at practice, the wins and the losses... _

_ All for nothing. _

_ Sure, volleyball had brought him an immense amount of joy during his lifetime, he certainly couldn’t deny that fact. Nothing had ever filled him with such adrenaline as it once had. _

_ But it wasn’t fun anymore. In fact, rather than the cheerful, heart-racing thrills he got while playing, it felt as if there were a crushing weight on his shoulders, forcing him down to the point where he was near suffocation. _

_ He could never beat the geniuses.  _

_ No matter how hard he pushed himself, no matter how well-planned out his future ambitions were, he always managed to fall short. _

_ What was even the point in trying to beat them, anyway? _

_ It was clear as day to him now that he never truly stood a chance - he was never truly good enough. _

_ So really, the solution should’ve been obvious. _

_ ‘A stupid sport’, you described it as. _

_ You had mocked him - ridiculed him, even - over his dreams. His desire to leave the confinements of Japan; to finally spread his wings while basking in the freedom playing for a foreign team brought him was nothing but laughable to you. _

_ Now, he realised that you were just telling the truth. _

_ Your words echoed through his head, and the image of your barley-concealed uninterested expression that appeared whenever he’d mention volleyball was stained in his mind. He was furious at the time, but now he knows that it was his mere stubbornness at refusing your honesty that was the true problem.  _

_ So at last, when he finally made the gamble of throwing away the sport entirely, he couldn’t help but sigh in relief at the feeling that overcame him. _

_ It was a feeling greater than what any stupid victory could offer him.  _

_ The crushing feeling that had been weighing him down so much had miraculously been lifted. Following your advice was perhaps the best decision he could’ve ever made. _

_ After all, he was so much more than just a stupid little sport. The sport itself should’ve been grateful that he, of all people, had spent so much time dedicated to it. _

_ He didn’t need volleyball. The thought that he once did was hilarious. _

_ Because without it, he felt invincible. _

Volleyball had been a crucial part of his life for so long, but he didn’t want anything to do with it any longer. He knew this.

Since he quit the sport, he kept having to remind himself of this fact - of the reasons why he quit. He truly wanted nothing to do with the sport, and that especially included the players from his past.

So it was interesting, really - seeing someone he vaguely recognised from his volleyball days approach him in such a state of fury.

He doesn’t recall ever playing against this guy. Hell, he doesn’t even know his name! But the overdone bleach-blonde hair and cheap piercings that littered his skin were a key indication of familiarity. The guy obviously thought that he was a real threat.

But when he took Oikawa by the collar and slammed him up against the nearest wall, Oikawa had to stop himself from laughing.

And when the man unashamedly accused him of being a stalker, his attempts became futile. He topples over, mocking chuckles of disbelief escaping his lips.

‘What’s so fucking funny, huh?’ the man before him spits. ‘You think stalking Y/N is so hilarious?’

At the sound of your name, Oikawa’s laughter calms down. He wipes the hysterical tears that formed and meets the man’s angry brown eyes.

‘I don’t even know who you are’, he spoke, raising his eyebrow.

‘Terushima. I was captain of Johzenji’.

Maybe ‘Terushima’ expected recognition - maybe even intimidation - to flicker across Oikawa’s eyes at the mention of his old volleyball team’s name and his position. But frankly, Oikawa couldn’t care less. He folded his arms against his chest and struggled leisurely, much to the annoyance of the man before him.

‘I know about your breakup with Y/N. She deserves so much better than a piece of shit like you’.

Oh, now this was entertaining.

The way his harsh expression faltered ever so slightly when he brought you up, the almost dejected tone in his voice.

It was just too obvious. 

If anyone was going to confront Oikawa, the very man who prided himself on his ability to read others like a book, they could at least attempt to conceal their shame.

‘I barley even know you, but you happen to know all the intricacies of mine and Y/N’s breakup, do you?’ Oikawa taunted. ‘Sounds like you’re the stalker here’.

He watched the blonde’s head lower in unconscious defeat. This was all just too easy.

Oikawa didn’t blame him. He, out of all people, knew just how infectious you were. Even someone as high status as him was drawn to you. It’s why he spent all those months a few years ago chasing you down, trying to convince you to give him a chance - even when he practically had his own harem of both men and women right at his disposal. Especially now, when you were apparently through with him (he knew your claims of not wanting anything to do with him anymore were false; you could never really get over him), he still couldn’t help the burning desire swelling in his chest from the urge to see you again. You were addictive, so it came as no surprise that someone as pathetic as the man before him longed for a taste.

‘So you love her, don’t you?’ Oikawa continues. ‘But you’ve fucked up to the point where you don’t stand any chance’.

‘I-I was drunk! And I was stupid! And I thought she finally wanted me!’ The man snapped. ‘And she’s been avoiding me ever since! She won’t even come back to the café so I can’t apologise-‘

‘Shh’, Oikawa bent down to where Terushima’s head was hanging in shame, forcing their brown eyes to meet. ‘I don’t blame you for loving her. But you must be a real delusional idiot to think that she could love anyone but me’.

Terushima nodded pitifully.

It was just so...satisfying. Watching people play into his hands, even at the expense of their prides. It made him feel like an all-powerful puppet-master, tugging on his doll’s strings and forcing them into humiliation.

And he relished in it.

Truthfully, the man wasn’t hard to decipher - many people loved to force their insecurities onto the former setter, typically out of sheer jealousy, so it was nothing he wasn’t used to - but that hardly mattered to Oikawa. As long as he got his fleeting dose of power, he’d deal with even the most transparent of people.

‘I mean’, Oikawa laughed, ‘she practically worships me! What on earth made you believe you had a chance?’

A vast smile spread over his lips at the sight of the man’s further misery.

‘Now now, you don’t need to get all hopeless about it’, Oikawa practically cooed. ‘You want the best for her, don’t you?’

He watched as Terushima wiped away the few stray tears that had unknowingly escaped at his regret, and smirked as he muttered a ‘yes’ in response.

What a poor, pathetic man. Thinking he had a chance with you, then projecting his shame onto the undeserving Oikawa. 

At least he gained another disciple because of it. 

‘Well there’s this party coming up soon. Why don’t you tag along?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when i finish this fic, i’m probs gonna go back and edit a lot of it so it can be more...fluid ?? i just feel like with my writing style changing every chapter, the story isn’t flowing as well as i hoped it would. also my tendency to be too wordy is starting to really bother me.
> 
> but i hope you’re enjoying the story nonetheless !!
> 
> (oh and i made a playlist too for this fic, mainly for my own inspo (it includes the song the title is from and a lot more that are similar to the themes + character’s perspectives in this fic) so maybe i’ll release it sometime soon if people are actually interested, most likely once this fic is completed and as a song per chapter kinda thing.)


	10. chapter nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The protector.

Kiyoko Shimizu has only wanted what’s best for you.

She was like your angel - constantly protecting you from harms way so that you could smile that beautiful smile of yours without any trepidation.

But even she makes mistakes sometimes.

There was always something  off about Tooru Oikawa. At first, she assumed that he was just a typical playboy who flirted with both men and women alike for the sake of fueling his own ego.

But he was so genuinely loving towards you; he cherished you with every fibre of his being. Kiyoko couldn’t decipher why she had gained such uneasy feelings around the man.

She reminisces fondly over how her and her fiancé got together. Tanaka had always been ever so persistent in his feelings towards her - declaring his love practically every single day since they first met. And while the man was originally far from who she pictured she’d one day marry, she couldn’t be more grateful.

They were like lovebirds now. And the marathon he ran in order to gain her love was absolutely worth it.

It reminded her slightly of how you and Oikawa first got together. 

_ She had seen the heaps of fan girls that surrounded the setter during tournaments. It was even rumoured that he had a different girl attached to his hip every other week. _

_ Hell, even Kiyoko herself had been approached by the man (which she obviously blatantly ignored, much to his confusion). _

_ So when he had cornered you one evening - the evening where Karasuno’s tears fell after their devastating loss against the man himself - she didn’t think anything of it. _

_ It had crossed her mind that the captain was perhaps claiming you as the prize for his victory. A way to rub it in his opponents’ faces that not only did he triumph over them, but he had you, too. A cheap ploy that you certainty wouldn’t fall for. _

_ Yet she wasn’t blind to the awe in your eyes when you had watched him serve. The captain was obviously attractive, and it was clear that you, too, were attracted to him. _

_ But it was definitely understandable that you shut him down. After all, it would be a shitty move if your beloved team had to witness you date their worst enemy - especially after he had so crushingly defeated them. _

_ She thought that was the end of it. Oikawa would be pissy at having another one ofKarasuno’s managers reject him, but he’d move onto his next conquest. _

_ She didn’t expect that he’d keep chasing you down. _

_ Kiyoko thought that he was just insecure at your refusal; the man was full of himself, it was unsurprising that he’d be shocked at someone who didn’t instantly fawn over him after experiencing just a taste of his interest. But the persistence he had towards you returning his feelings seemed so genuine that Kiyoko couldn’t help but feel as if this were different. _

_ To him, you were different. _

_ He truly fell for you. And judging by the way your rejections became more and more hesitant, she’d say that you were doing the same for him, too.  _

_ It was almost turning into a Romeo and Juliet style tale; two star-crossed lovers of opposing teams (minus the tragic ending, of course. At least, that’s what she had hoped so, anyway). _

_ ‘It’s so annoying’, you had huffed one day, watching the boys practicing their receives. ‘He’s exactly my type!’ _

_ Kiyoko laughed melodiously. You had tried so hard to hate Oikawa: rejecting his advances, refusing to compliment him on anything and even hanging off of Kageyama’s arm one afternoon with the intention of infuriating Oikawa to the point where he’d finally leave you alone. And yet, it was all to no avail. _

_ You had claimed to hate him, but she knew for a fact that it wasn’t true. It was a wild cat and mouse chase for your affections, and while you were determined to win, the immense fondness you began to feel for the man was nothing short of inevitable. _

_ He had even given you nick-name at his point, like he did to almost everyone in true Oikawa-fashion. You had scoffed and acted as if you found the name annoying, but Kiyoko could tell that you secretly adored it. _

_ And you adored him, too. _

_ ‘If dating him is something that will make you happy, I think you should go for it’, Kiyoko smiled. ‘I’m sure the team will get over it eventually’. _

_ Kiyoko watched you mull her encouragement over for a moment, before you sighed. ‘Fine. I’ll give him one date. If he can’t impress me, I’m cutting him off’. _

_ And impress you he did. It was cute, actually. The two of you complimented each other extremely well. It was so romantic - how deeply you cared for one another. You really did make the perfect couple. _

_ Kiyoko truly believed that dating Oikawa was something that was best for you. The way your whole expression glowed whenever you were in his presence was a wonderful sight to see. _

But now, she wasn’t so sure. And she fully understood her previous uneasy feelings towards the man.

You had suffered a terrible breakup, and the latter end of your relationship had been a spiral of emotional agony (even if you barley realised it). Kiyoko felt nothing but regret at not being able to protect you.

You - her dear friend - was suffering, and she could only pathetically wipe your tears away. She couldn’t turn back time and undo the beginnings of your relationship; the chance to warn you not to ever get involved in Oikawa’s business was long gone.

She felt as if she had failed you.

So when you had invited her to attend your first house party since the breakup, Kiyoko jumped at the opportunity to finally protect you. 

It was true that parties were far from her kind of event. And truthfully, she was unsure that attending such thing was good for you. But she understood that you needed the opportunity to let loose, and she could put her personal hatred of it aside for your sake.

‘You look gorgeous, Y/N’, she smiled softly, gently combing your hair.

You giggled cheerfully in response, toying with the cute bunny charm on your bracelet. ‘Says you’, you grinned. ‘I’m actually kinda excited for this’.

Kiyoko was glad. You were finally starting to seem more like yourself for the first time since the breakup. 

And as Iwaizumi-san knocked on your bedroom door, jokingly urging the two of you to hurry up, she understood why.

And the delicate smile that lit up your entire face when you felt his hand carefully rest on the small of your back was extremely telling, too. 

Perhaps your feelings were more complicated than she thought. But even if you loved the man or not, it was clear that you put so much trust into him to the point where she couldn’t help but do the same.

Kiyoko wasn’t selfish. She wanted to protect you but she most certainly wasn’t opposed to having others doing the same, as well. It was a big responsibility, so having someone as faithful as Iwaizumi-san helping her was most definitely appreciated.

She would ask you whether you had any romantic feelings towards him later. But she was so incredibly happy at the prospect of you finally moving on, to someone so trustworthy, that she figured it could wait. 

And as she mentally vowed to protect you and your safety at this party, she exchanged a sincere smile with the man in question. They both wanted what’s best for you. And they would protect you no matter what.

She just hoped he wouldn’t fail her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...chapters seem to be getting shorter and shorter i’m sorry :/ i realised i could’ve merged some chapters together and structured the whole thing differently but it’s too late for that now 
> 
> BUT on the bright side, next chapter is a big, insanely important one (as is the next few chapters after that) so i hope u stick around and enjoy !!!
> 
> (oh and i’d just like to clarify that i personally don’t believe oikawa in the actual haikyuu universe has a god complex. i know a lot of people in the fandom get annoyed when people act like he does (to be fair, a huge part of the fandom reduces his entire character into being a twink - which he isn’t - and that infuriates me to no end), but for the sake of this fic he does. i have done a lot of research into god complexes (some of the experiences from people with actual god complexes have been through from articles i’ve read i’ve incorporated into oikawa’s storyline) but i apologise in case any of it comes across badly or insensitive. even though i’ll probably never explicitly mention that he has one at any point is the actual story, it is a crucial point to his character, so i really hope that it doesn’t come across that way)


	11. chapter ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party.

You felt content.

The booming sound of the speakers only served as an outlet to express just how  _ free _ you felt, contradicting the deafening impact it had on you before. The strobe lights and cluster of bodies surrounding you did indeed, not make you feel any semblance of sick and claustrophobic. Instead, all you could focus on was the pleasant buzz in your head and the complete and utter freedom and joy that embraced you, allowing you to experience what felt like properly breathing for the first time in months. You were now living once again, not just existing.

_God_ , you missed this.

On an exhale of laughter, you drew the bottle back up to your lips, feeling the bluntness of the rim push gently against the plushness of your lips in an act ofsimply  _letting go_.  The burning feeling running down your throat was nothing less than addictive, and you hasn’t realised just how much you had been longing for it during your aching misery.

Kiyoko smiled at the huge beam planted on your face, but you couldn’t help but notice the slight concern in her elegant features. ‘Maybe you should slow down a little bit, Y/N. We don’t want you to get hurt’.

You were on your third bottle of the night (you also had two glasses and a few shots too, but that was hardly relevant at the moment). You weren’t at your limit yet and you currently were at a rather comfortable level of intoxication. However, you had no intentions of stopping just yet. Iwaizumi seemed to agree with you.

‘Let loose, Y/N! You deserve this!’ He shouted slightly, having to make his voice heard over the blasting music. ‘Kiyoko-san and I are here to protect you any way!’

You turned your attention back towards the woman, who chuckled delicately and rolled her eyes. ‘Fine, I guess you’re right. But don’t drink too much to the point where you throw up, okay?’

You nodded happily in response, swaying your hips rhythmically to the end of the song. When it came to a stop, you immediately recognised the next as one of your favourites. 

‘Hajime!’ You excitedly turned towards him. ‘Come dance with me!’

A rosy shade made itself present on his cheeks that you were certain he was internally blaming on the alcohol. Regardless, he gently took your hands and lead you further onto the dance floor, Kiyoko instead opting to strike conversation with some old friends - Daichi and Kuroo - who she spotted hanging around. 

The two of you laughed as he awkwardly attempted to keep up with the beat, and the blissful rush of adrenaline shooting through your veins only made this all the more enjoyable. 

You danced close to one another - the upbeat tempo of the song requiring more of your boundless energy, causing sweat to glisten between the two of you. And you hadn’t the urge to stop, once you noticed the barley contained lust sparkling in his eyes as you bravely began to grind upon him.

Hajime had always made an excellent distraction for you, constantly managing to escort you far away from your worries. This moment right here, reminiscent of the last dreadful party you went to, only served to remind you of that. Only this time, you were unsure if he still remained as a simple distraction, or something much more.

You wanted it to be much more. 

And you grew all the more fond of him when you began to panic after seeing Tendou amongst the crowd, when Hajime gracefully scooped you away before he could spot you.

You hadn’t considered the possibility that your best friend would make his appearance here; you hadn’t bothered to tell him about the party as you knew he’d be reluctant in allowing you to go. But it now seemed like an obvious fact that he’d be here - after all, it was these sorts of places where business was best for him.

You giggled as Iwaizumi lead you into a different room, one that was noticeably quieter than the previous. The two of you were the only ones in here, and it was a blessing in disguise that this happened to be the moment where you really started to really feel the alcohol he had encouraged you to drink more of.

You couldn’t keep your hands off of him - the feel of his abs against your palms as you cheekily slid your hands under his T-shirt was nothing short of infectious. He chuckled gently at you when you not-so-sexily stumbled onto him, your cheeks squishing onto his chest for support.

Alcohol had always caused you to be braver than what you are, as if you magically were able to abandon every ounce of shyness you had previously contained. Even if you were a mere klutz at the moment, you still managed to feel bold and brave.

Bold enough to confess to the man before you.

‘I really like you, Hajime’, you mumbled, slurring your words as you spoke, ‘like a lot. More than a friend’.

Even in your drunken-state, you noticed the way he faltered ever so slightly. But regardless, as he pulled you closer to his chest, opting to gently rub circles into your back, you smiled contentedly at the warmness his embrace brought you. You had dismissed his slight hesitance as just a sudden dose of insecurity that had entered you at the prospect of finally confessing.

You felt so  happy . But the phrase ‘all good things must come to an end’ proved itself once more when that happiness was disrupted.

‘I knew you’d be here!’ The booming sound of Yuuji Terushima’s voice called out as the door suddenly was slammed open. You jumped away from Iwaizumi. ‘And the little slut’s with another man! Isn’t that hilarious?’

You froze in fear as he approached you, sneering at your trembling form. ‘Had the nerve to reject me, claiming that you weren’t up for dating, and yet here you are! All over another man!’ He continued. ‘But I’ve finally found you again, and you won’t be escaping from me now-‘

In an instant, Iwaizumi aggressively pushed the man away from you, watching him whimper as he fell to the floor.

Fortunately, the room had more than one exit, and you sighed in relief as Hajime hastily rushed you out of the room before Terushima could get up and follow you.

It seemed that the adrenaline from before hadn’t left your system yet as you ran away, clutching his arm. You only stopped when Iwaizumi hurriedly asked the owners of the house and hosts of this party - Makki and Mattsun (as your ex had nicknamed them) for the keys to enter to higher floors of their house.

The duo (who you were certain had to be dating, even if they had refused to label their relationship) smirked once they noticed you beside him, and you were unsure of the slight unnerving feeling it gave you. But you weren’t in their presence for long, as Iwaizumi once again grabbed your hand and began to run again to get the highest floor of the obscenely large house.

You laughed as the two of you ascended further up the stairs, the admiration of the man before you refusing to leave your eyes.

He had saved you once again. And the fluttering feeling in your stomach would not allow you to stop yourself from admitting just how much he meant to you.

‘You know I consider you to be my ‘saviour’, right?’ You beamed. ‘You’re always coming to my rescue one way or the other’.

‘Really?’ He chuckled, quirking an eyebrow as he hauled you into the nearby bathroom located at the top of the stairs. Maybe he didn’t realise the significance of what you had just confessed to him, but that was okay. Just telling him oddly felt like more than enough.

The two of you sank down onto the bathroom’s floor, barley noticing the coldness of the tiles beneath you. You hadn’t realised just how out of breath you were, so both of you spent a few minutes unashamedly panting in attempt to calm down. He handed you a bottle of water that he must’ve swiped on the way up here, giving you the chance to sober up a bit as well as quench your dehydration.

‘Are you okay?’ Iwaizumi finally turned to you.

Truthfully, you were terrified at seeing Terushima again, but you subconsciously knew that no matter what, Iwaizumi would protect you. 

And at the moment, you felt more than okay.

You figured that his question was rhetorical, or perhaps he had already taken your momentary lack of response as your answer. You gazed casually at him for a moment, silently taking in his attractive features that were illuminated by the flicker of his lighter. He drew the cigarette towards his lips, and sighed as he exhaled the grey clouds of smoke. 

His lips were a soft pink colour, plump and irresistible.

You hadn’t responded to his question yet. 

You could only think of one way to respond.

You leant forward, connecting your lips onto his. They didn’t taste of strawberries and caramel like Oikawa’s did, instead of the bitter nicotine, but you supposed that was okay. They didn’t fit together like jigsaw pieces, but you still managed to feel warmth burst in your stomach as you felt his move again yours.

Something was finally  _ yours  _ again. This moment right here, the fireworks explodingas your tongue dared to enter his mouth -  _him_.  You were no longer left alone with the nothingness Oikawa had abandoned you with anymore.

The feeling was electric - even if you were now sober enough to realise that this was more than just an impulse decision. There were a tingling current flowing between the two of you that caused the hairs to rise at the back of your neck; your fingertips to tremble gently as you grasped at his collar in a desperate calling for  more.

He pulled you closer to him, grunting in contentment. His calloused hand snaked its way to the back of your head, the delicious feel of his silver rings pressing against your scalp as he slightly tugged at your hair only encouraged you to shuffle even closer to him, to the point where you were practically sitting on his lap.

You shuddered feeling the string of saliva that connected your tongues. The feeling was addictive; you never wanted it to end.

_ The perfect distraction. _

And then he pushed you away.

The insecurities you felt from earlier began to tickle up your neck again as you felt tears begin to reluctantly drip down your cheeks. ‘Y-You don’t want me?’ You almost sobbed, meeting his ashamed hazel eyes.

He sighed softly. ‘Don’t take this the wrong way, Y/N’, he began, causing more anxiety to swirl in your chest, ‘But I really don’t feel like making out in a crappy bathroom. You wanna move some place else? Preferably a bedroom?’

Your frown was replaced into a bashful grin once you had processed his words, nodding cheerfully before he offered you his hand to assist pulling you up from the bathroom floor.

You smiled gently to yourself as he lead you out of the room, feeling grateful and relieved that he didn’t reject your feelings.

As he opened the bedroom door, you giggled excitedly at the prospect of where this moment would take you, when you noticed a figure sitting on the bed.

The warmth that had previously flooded your system ran entirely cold. 

‘Welcome back, bunny’, Oikawa smirked, an unmistakable darkness flickering in his eyes.

And suddenly, your saviour became Judas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed !! :)


	12. chapter eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The breakup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mild TW for mildly dubious consent in this chap (reader is under the influence) but there’s no actual smut or anything :)

_ Stepping foot into these places created an oh so familiar feeling. One that swelled painfully in your chest, urging you to turn back before everything crumbled. But you never did. _

_ Truthfully, you had no idea why the solution for most of your sorrows was going to these parties. Every time you did, you did it due to your need of a distraction. But it only seemed to make things that much harder. _

_ The same nauseating pressure arose in your throat, but regardless, you swallowed it down and proceeded to enter the crowded house. It became very apparent at this point that you subconsciously loved torturing yourself. _

_ Another fight with Tooru, and one that yet again ended in both anger and tears. These days, it was clear that you clashed more than complimented, and even the pettiest of disagreements could spark outrage from the other. _

_ Truly, you wanted to amend your now shambles of a relationship, but it seemed futile at this point. The possibility of you ever going back to how things once were was like a tiny spec in the horizon - impossibly distant and simply not worth catching.  _

_ Your voice was hoarse from all the screaming, and the only way to solve that was washing it down with alcohol and drugs. Though, you had a large inclination that that wouldn’t heal the pain. _

_ You can’t bandage a broken leg. _

_ Hit after hit you took of the blunt you smoked, each one with the intention of dissipating the regret - the regret of ever getting involved with Oikawa at all. Your vision was cloudy and swirling, the whites of your eyes turning pink in what was supposed to be a pleasurable experience. And yet, you instead felt disoriented, with surges of anxiety rocketing through your veins. _

_ In your hazy state of mind, you reached out towards the masculine figure leaning toward you, dazedly falling into his embrace. The softness of the material clothing him and his familiar, comforting scent lulled you into a sense of calmness. _

_ Hajime cradled you soothingly, gently combing your hair with his ring-clad fingers and not complaining when he felt the wetness of your tears begin to stain his sweater. Eventually, through the warmth of his embrace, the swirling of the room slowed a little, until you could finally make his concerned features out clearly. _

_ Breathtaking. Everything about him, even the way he nervously chewed his lips as if attempting not to blurt out the very thing on his mind, was completely and utterly breathtaking. _

_ And when you wiped your eyes and looked up into his, the corners of your lips tugging upwards in a silent thank you, he couldn’t control himself any longer. _

_ ‘I love you’, he mumbled. _

_ You cocked your head sideways, the smile on your face stretching wider. Hearing those words of validation said meaningly for the first time in what felt like forever caused you to preen happily. _

_ Unsure of what your reaction to his confession meant, Hajime continued, ‘I think I always have. I wish I had got to you before Oikawa did’. _

_ At the mention of boyfriend’s name, your eyes widened. Because even in your far from sober state, you still fully registered those words. _

_ Iwaizumi wasn’t Tooru. He was his best friend who had somehow fallen for you.  _

_ Because the truth was, you didn’t think you’d ever truly love Hajime. Nobody could ever compare to your Tooru. _

_ Maybe it could become a possibility in the future, if you and Tooru ever decided to finally end things for good. But you felt you would just use him in that outcome, and even if you were to develop ‘genuine feelings’, they would most likely take root from loneliness. _

_ But you could agree with him, in a way. Part of you also wished that Hajime had got to you before Tooru did. You may have never loved him, but it was almost guaranteed that your relationship would go much smoother. _

_ He wasn’t the man that you fell for - but for now, it felt so good to pretend. _

_ And those lips looked oh so inviting - irresistible even. And it dawned on you that these stupid parties would never serve its purpose of distraction.  _

_ But he would. _

_ So you placed your hand on his denim-covered knee for support, and eagerly leaned forward to connect your lips onto his. You could tell that he was shocked at your response, and the guilt of kissing his best friend’s girlfriend was slowly eating him up on the inside, but regardless he began to move his lips in sync with yours. He had been wanting this for too long, after all. _

_ Bliss. For the first time in months, you finally felt well and truly sated.  _

_ A simple distraction, yes, but it was a simple distraction that you would gladly accept.  _

_ But you couldn’t indulge yourself any longer, for the sound of your boyfriend’s furious yells pulled you from your perfect fantasy of escape and in what felt like an instant, his grip tightened in the back of your dress as he hauled you away. _

_ Hajime Iwaizumi, the distraction in subject stood watching in stunned silence, a look of nothing but pure guilt stricken across his face. _

_ But you didn’t have time to ponder about that, or return back into his loving arms, as a shamefully immense feeling of adoration overtook you completely. _

_ Tooru. He followed you to the party. He came for you.  _

_ He loved you. _

_ And any thoughts and feelings of Iwaizumi somehow magically disappeared. Nobody could ever compare to the man somewhat aggressively tugging you to seclusion. _

_ In that moment, it dawned on you exactly what Tooru was to you. He was more than just your boyfriend; your soulmate. Your infatuation with him was far beyond any kind of measly addiction. _

_ Any resentment left from your argument only a few hours prior became as irrelevant to you as Iwaizumi now was. Because you were far to captivated by this ethereal man you were fortunate enough to call your lover to consider anything else. _

_ He was utterly radiant. It was like there was a halo planted on his tasseled hair, blinding you with its light and leaving you in awe. _

_ You were foolish to ever disobey this man - you were foolish to ever disagree with him at all. _

_ He was your god. And he seemed to figure that out even before you did. _

_ You ended up in a dark bedroom, one that smelled of pure sin. Somehow, you had managed to hold onto the blunt from earlier, and in an instant he snatched it from hands and shoved it in between your parted lips. You obediently inhaled the smoke, enjoying the way it filled your lungs and added to the aroma of the room. _

_ You were vaguely aware of how controlling he was being in this moment, but that hardly mattered; you would continue to devote everything you had to this man, so anything he wanted to do to you was always within reason. _

_ Deciding that you had enough, he tore the blunt from your lips and instead placed it between his to get his fix. He forcefully pushed you to the floor, your knees creaking as they hit the hard wood, and leisurely positioned himself on the nearby bed. _

_ He didn’t speak for a few minutes, instead opting to focus his attention on the grey rings of smoke being blown from his slightly wet lips. Your thighs were beginning to ache - and you whimpered pitifully to alert him of this. _

_ He quirked his eyebrow in amusement, before taking another hit and choosing to exhale the smoke directly onto your face. Before you could stop yourself, you began to cough at the sudden intrusion filling your nostrils, aware of his laughter filling the room at your embarrassment. _

_ Despite the smirk on his face, his eyes were cold and merciless, as if you were nothing but a mere stranger to him. But yours - yours were completely consumed with adoration. _

_ He laughed once more. _

_ ‘Such pretty fucking eyes, hm?’ He teased. ‘So full of love. All for me?’ _

_ Eagerly, like a puppy to its owner, you nodded your head. _

_ ‘Even after you screamed at me and stormed out, you’re still acting like a slave to me’, he began to chuckle. _

_ At his words, your cheeks went flush in shame, and you averted your eyes from his. He didn’t take too kindly to this, as only a moment later, you felt his fingers grip your chin and forcefully turn you back to face him. _

_ ‘Look into your god’s eyes’, he muttered. Your heart swelled. _

_ ‘You were so angry before, weren’t you?’ He began again, ‘Poor girl. Screaming and crying as if I don’t know what’s best. But that’s okay! Every sinner makes mistakes! _

_ ‘But then you had the nerve to run off and slip your filthy tongue into another man’s mouth. A pathetic man at that’, he cringed, as if he wasn’t talking about his life-long best friend. But you supposed that everyone was pathetic in comparison to him. You, yourself, was disgusted that you ever let yourself fall into the shorter man’s embrace. _

_ ‘You’ll always worship me, bunny. Forever and ever. You’ll devote everything you have to me, won’t you?’ You nodded again in agreement, knowing that it was the truth. He smiled, gently stroking your cheeks with his thumb. ‘Good girl’. _

_ ‘You’re so lucky to have a god like me feel this way about you. Anyone would kill to be in your place right now. But here you are instead of them, even though you don’t deserve it’. _

_ If Iwaizumi was breathtaking, then Tooru had the power to suffocate you entirely. Even as he detailed how truly worthless you were and how kind he was to fall for you in the first place, you only had it in you to agree with every word he said. _

_ For the rest of your life and beyond, you would worship him with every fibre in your body. You would offer yourself on a silver platter, eagerly waiting to be consumed by him even if it meant your own demise. _

_ You straightened your posture to present yourself properly to him; the ache in your knees had transformed into a pleasurable dull buzz and you could barley feel the slight cramp in your neck formed from all of your gazing. He softly threaded his fingers through your hair, humming contentedly as if he had everything he ever wanted in the world. _

_ Even in your hazy, far from rational state, you couldn’t hold back your uncontrollable desire and lust for him. _

_ ‘So how will you atone for your sins, huh?’ He inquired, sighing to himself when he felt you paw at his zipper. _

_... _

_ You had been avoiding him. _

_ Forty two missed called, half a dozen voice notes and texts that ranged somewhere in the two hundreds. _

_ He had gone back to his dorms at his university in Tokyo for a few weeks, having a lot of work to catch up on. He didn’t have the time currently to come back down to Miyagi to see you.  _

_ You couldn’t bare to look him in the eye or even hear his voice since that night. _

_ You knew he’d be angry at you for ignoring him, but what choice did you have? _

_ It wasn’t that you were mad at him. The fight you had was merely petty. You weren’t angry that he followed you to the party, or that he forced you away from Iwaizumi. _

_ You weren’t angry that he ‘took advantage’ of your barely coherent state. You would have consented either way, and he was high out of his mind too. _

_ No, you weren’t mad. _

_ You were terrified. _

_ Not of him, but of who he had become to you. _

_ Because even in your now fully sober state, a week from when the incident even happened, that fact in your mind didn’t change. _

_ You still viewed him as your god. It was unshakeable. _

_ And completely terrifying. _

_ You knew that he was just a regular human like everyone else, but your feelings transcended to much more a long time ago.  _

_ He had somehow infiltrated every aspect of your life; your thoughts consisted only of him. He held more importance to you than even yourself did. Your entire world revolved around him. _

_ He was a regular human, but not to you. _

_ And you knew how fucked up it was to feel that way, and you could spent hours upon hours dissecting how on earth things ever got to this point, but nothing would ever change that fact. _

_ But regardless, you had to change it. _

_ So, on a Monday afternoon - the day he’d most likely be available - you finally had the strength to text him back. You couldn’t bare to hear his worried voice through the phone, so you figured a simple ‘I’m sorry. Please come see me we need to talk’ message would do. _

_ Even if he was stuck up to his neck in his studies, you always held more importance. _

_ It’s not like he had any ambitions anymore anyway. _

_ It wasn’t long until you heard a frantic knock at the door, and revealed your dishevelled, clearly sleep-deprived form. _

_ ‘What’s wrong, Y/N?’ He almost shouted, worriedly grabbing your shoulders. _

_ The tears slipped from your eyes much sooner than expected, and you simply couldn’t bare to look at him. He was confused at the way you were acting, but you had to break it to him. _

_ ‘I-I’m sorry Tooru. We have to break up’. _

_ The realisation of your words caused the colour to drain from his face as they sank in. Then, after a moment of silence, his previously worried state transformed into that of shock. _

_ ‘Break up with me? Me?!’ He laughed in disbelief. ‘Again? Why on earth would you want to do that?’ _

_ Too embarrassed to reveal the shameful reason, you glared nervously at the floor in silence, watching your tears hit the ground. _

_ He began to shake you to grab your attention. ‘No no. You’re not doing this to me’, he snarked, somehow both panicking and acting as if what you said wasn’t bothering him at all. ‘Surely you’re not dumping me and not even giving me an explanation?!’ _

_ You couldn’t let it slip that you were scared that you genuinely saw him as your god. It was too pitiful. _

_ Not that he didn’t know it already. _

_ ‘I’m sorry T-Tooru. I have to’, you sobbed, your voice shaking.  _

_ ‘No you fucking don’t!’ He yelled furiously. ‘How could you do this to me?’ _

_ The sound of his loud anger had you flinching as he ranted about how unbelievable it was that someone like you was breaking up with him. It even gathered the attention of your concerned neighbours, who hesitantly knocked of your door and muttered during the brief silence that they were calling the police. _

_ Tooru realised your words were final, and, not fancying being arrested, scoffed and turned to leave. _

_ But before he did, he paused to glare at you, stating ‘You’re still mine, bunny. Forever. And nobody will ever love you as much as I do’. _

_ That you were sure of. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hii !! happy valentine’s day <33
> 
> i’m actually kinda proud of this chapter so i hope u enjoyed it !!!
> 
> BUT this chapter was the last that i pre-wrote a while ago which means i need to start writing again. Up until this point, I’ve been posting these chapters every sunday but i can’t guarantee that i’ll be able to do that anymore since i have sum other things that i need to focus + would like to spend more time ensuring that these new chapters are the best they can be. hope u understand !! :)

**Author's Note:**

> hope you’re all ready for the ride! ;)


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